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Newly diagnosed man (50)

MarvinBR

Hi folks,

I really don't where to begin, but I'll start somewhere.

I was diagnosed with ADHD (combined type) around 5 years ago, and then as Autistic level 1 approx 18 months ago.

My Autism diagnosis hit the hardest. 

The assessment process felt brutal. Particularly completing my pre assessment questionnaire, which actually felt like writing a biography. 

I would complete one question, and find myself having to sleep for a couple of hours afterwards, and there were always lots of tears. 

At the point of getting my diagnosis, I still didn't believe it, and felt like ny psychiatrist had made a mistake. 

The skills regression experience is real for me, as well as the burnout. That has been a real battle over the last 12 months, and I'm back im burnout again. I don't think I've ever slept so much in my life. 

One of the hardest things for me is that I sometimes wonder if things would have been easier without the diagnosis. Life felt alot easier. But im conscious that you only read, think and talk alot about Autism, pre diagnosis, if you are Autistic. 

Validation from loved ones has been minimal. I've heard comments like "everyone is a bit Autistic" or even recently "I don't think you're Autistic, you just need to fight it". This latter comment was heartbreaking. 

If someone asked me how I feel post diagnosis, I would say that I feel like life as an adult is so hard for me, and I'm exhausted. I have to work so hard and i am massively winging it. The world is loud, and unforgiving. 

I've never been able to understand how people can smile naturally on demand in photos, I can't and the demands of performing make my head want to explode. I find social events because of the photos make me feel quite low in self esteem

When I'm feeling self conscious on video calls I have to cover my mouth because I feel self conscious about my face looking glum or too serious. 

  • Hi and welcome 

    Sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time.

    For me, the world can feel harsh and unforgiving too, and it takes a lot of effort just to get through everyday things. You’re definitely not alone in feeling like that.

    I just wanted to say that it can get easier with time. I’m only just starting to find that by connecting with other autistic people in a group, where people are gentler and more understanding, and it’s made a difference already.

    Be kind to yourself you’re dealing with a lot.

  • Welcome to the 'latelings' club.

    I feel your pain I was in my early 50's when I was diagnosed. It was a relief and curse rolled into one. It explain my struggles throughout my life. Unfortunately what should have attracted support from my employer was met with 'your reasonable adjustment request are unreasonable and therefore refused' resulting in me having my career ended put up for redeployment and  now in a employment tribunal battle.

    It has been 3 years of being stuck in my own private hell unable to move on. In some ways If I wasn't autistic I would not have lost my career.

  • Its time to start being kinder to yourself.

  • Good morning from America, MarvinBR!

    I see that you are an occupational therapist! I have a relation that is a physical therapist, and she says there’s a lot of similarities between the two. I can imagine that’s a hard job to do while in burnout, since there’s a lot of social interaction involved with that job. I’m sorry to hear that things have been difficult  post-diagnosis and that your support system hasn’t been as supportive as they should be. It sounds like something that would really help is to meet others with the diagnosis, as you are doing here.

  • Welcome to the community! Unfortunately the bitter comments about diagnosis come so often from the family. I hope you find here like minded people. I myself am not diagnosed,  suspected. It's so true about reading and watching a lot about autism. 

  • Good luck, hopefully something positive can come of diagnosis. For me I don't think thing's would be easier without diagnosis as it can bring clarity on why things seemed different or it appeared you were on the outside looking in etc. As an adult maybe we have to 'find ourselves' I don't know.  Can we change our processing after all these years or find a way to process that avoids shutdowns etc or brings an understanding of the world around us

  • Welcome to our community,  and I hope you find insight and solidarity here. I am also AuDHD, diagnosed last summer, and have been through a deep burnout since. Diagnosis is a big thing and lots of emotions can follow. For me, it has helped me understand the 'why' of a lot of the challenges I have faced and the decisions I have made. Not easy, but necessary.

    I am sorry to read that you have not received validation from loved ones - you are not alone in this. Maybe your validation will come from elsewhere (including other NDs) and, in time, from yourself. Self-compassion is a quality to foster as you are doing your best in a world not designed for your needs.

  • Hi and welcome.

    I was 50 before anyone ever mentioned the possibility that I may be autistic, I'd been a common and garden depressed and anxious person for the preceding 3 decades. I'd always felt like a square peg and the diagnosis explained why.

    I found the diagnosis process for ASD challenging but the report itself felt like I'd been hit around the back of the head with a phone book. He's a list of all the things you struggle with printed in black and white, I thought I was doing okay, it was obvious I wasn't.

    I was diagnosed with ASD at 53 and inattentive type ADHD 8 months later. It is a lot to take in. 

    I was lucky my wife and kids were supportive although it did take me 3 months to scrape up the courage to tell them as I feared (foolishly) that they would reject me and my diagnosis.

    It's been a steer learning curve and learning to give yourself a break is probably one of the hardest lessons.

    Good luck and take care.

    Love Hergé

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    MarvinBR said:
    im conscious that you only read, think and talk alot about Autism, pre diagnosis, if you are Autistic. 

    Interesting, not heard that before. Although obsessive interests are an autistic thing. And I don't think NT people would have the intense focus required to do prolonged deep dives into the subject?