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Hello, I’m new and could use your help

Kerrie

I received my diagnosis on Friday 13/02/26 and am relieved to finally have an answer to why I have always struggled with life in general.

For background, I was one of those ‘gifted’ kids, IQ of 174 and expected to do great things. I didn’t. Complicated medical history including cancer (to which I lost an eye) and a  basket load of rare medical conditions requiring 16+ surgeries so far. I work full time clinically in the NHS and this is where the problems are. I’ve been a qualified therapeutic radiographer (treating cancer with radiotherapy) for 18 years and started at a different hospital in November. I have had a really hard time settling in. More than is normal, to the point where about a month ago, I lost the plot and took myself to A&E to keep myself safe. I haven’t been to work since and the thought of the commute (to central London) and having to spend all day with people, lights, sounds, wearing my work persona etc. is causing pure fear and anxiety. I’m terrified I’ll end up in A&E again. Now I’ve had my official diagnosis, I’m starting to understand why, but all I can manage is hiding in a dark room under a duvet. 

In addition, I had a total hysterectomy last year so have been trying to get to grips with the immediate menopause that followed (I’m on HRT).

I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I guess I’m trying to find people who understand and might be able to share some pearls of wisdom? Has anyone been through something similar and can give a little guidance?

Thank you for reading this far, I hope we can be friends.

Parents

  • Hey Kerrie, sounds like you've been through a lot, and really need to take a moment to look after yourself right now.

    Apart from having to deal with everything else life's thrown at you, you are newly diagnosed, and sounding like you are maybe suffering severe burnout too? This is one time you need to forgive yourself the need for dark, calm and quiet -the longer you can give yourself to down tools and rest, the better equipped you will be to deal with it all. (This in itself is not as easy as it sounds unless you have any support to do this). 
    It might be good to read up on burnout and autistic self care.

    I was listening to a podcast that had a series on the combination of gifted and autistic (or twice exceptional), and it is not an easy combination. It talked about how people often have their difficulties ignored and outshone by their own brilliance, but those difficulties and needing support are still very real. And throw menopause into the mix -I've been trying to read up on it and get more knowledgeable as I'm in my early 40's, and it sounds like autism can get worse with those hormone fluctuations, which might be another exacerbating factor for why it's happening now as well as the new job stress.

    But right now, look after yourself, hide under the duvet if you need to, it is honestly doing you good.  I hope you can get a bit longer off from work -I know from personal experience how hard and how long it takes to recover from burnout.  

    I hope you can learn to love all the spikey parts of yourself, and hope to maybe hear more from you.

Reply

  • Hey Kerrie, sounds like you've been through a lot, and really need to take a moment to look after yourself right now.

    Apart from having to deal with everything else life's thrown at you, you are newly diagnosed, and sounding like you are maybe suffering severe burnout too? This is one time you need to forgive yourself the need for dark, calm and quiet -the longer you can give yourself to down tools and rest, the better equipped you will be to deal with it all. (This in itself is not as easy as it sounds unless you have any support to do this). 
    It might be good to read up on burnout and autistic self care.

    I was listening to a podcast that had a series on the combination of gifted and autistic (or twice exceptional), and it is not an easy combination. It talked about how people often have their difficulties ignored and outshone by their own brilliance, but those difficulties and needing support are still very real. And throw menopause into the mix -I've been trying to read up on it and get more knowledgeable as I'm in my early 40's, and it sounds like autism can get worse with those hormone fluctuations, which might be another exacerbating factor for why it's happening now as well as the new job stress.

    But right now, look after yourself, hide under the duvet if you need to, it is honestly doing you good.  I hope you can get a bit longer off from work -I know from personal experience how hard and how long it takes to recover from burnout.  

    I hope you can learn to love all the spikey parts of yourself, and hope to maybe hear more from you.

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