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Whole life flashing before my eyes since diagnosis!

Emerald

I am experiencing a constant stream of memories from my whole life, several decades of it. So much misunderstanding, judgement and rejection, and now i know why i have always been 'weird' for other people. Any big stress and i would talk about myself too much. I have felt so much shame for doing this.  Contrasted with my 'normal' persona which was ultra polite, kind, helpful and 'such a good listener' and, i now see, not 'me' at all but an adaptation to try to belong, i guess others were confused and put off by me. 

Does anyone relate to this?

Parents

  • I relate to this because I was diagnosed four months ago aged 55. My mind seems to be going through a Review and Reassessment phase where I can now clearly identify manifestations of my autism throughout my life. Eg meltdowns in childhood and adulthood, social misunderstandings, hyper focus and special interests. I think it’s a process of looking back on my life through a new and clearer perspective. 

    I am also pretty sure I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder in my 20s and was medicated for it inappropriately which made my life so much worse. I also had alcohol addiction and I’m currently 11 years sober. After I quit the booze I pretty quickly quit the psychiatric medication. The result? No more “bipolar symptoms “ just unpoluted autistic traits. 

    So tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP to look at the bipolar diagnosis again in light of my autism diagnosis and never having had any bipolar symptoms in 11 years straight (if I ever had them in the first place). I’m a bit anxious about this because I lost trust with the psychiatric profession a long time ago. So it’s a huge step but one I need to take. 

  • in reply to HG1

    Oh, I do wish you well with the gp visit!

    I've lost count of all the different diagnoses I've been given, got to laugh now really. I always knew that weren't it.

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