Hey! So, I’m new here and I’m not even sure why I’m writing this, but I’ve felt misunderstood for a long time, so I thought maybe here people would help me feel a little less different.
I’m a 21-year-old woman and I’m undiagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I’m autistic. Like reeeeeally sure. Unfortunately for me, when I asked my psychiatrist if she thought I could be autistic, she laughed in my face saying that autistic people are much more "peculiar" than me, and that I was just, well, weird. She told me they have really particular special interests and that my interests are too basic (personally I’ve had multiple special interests and yes, they might be basic, but it’s not like I chose them on purpose, okay? I’m just a little basic, I guess). She said liking a band, even if in a really intensive way, was totally normal. Autistic people usually like things like "how cellphones are made." Okay, wow, sorry if I’m whimsical. She also said I’m not autistic because I can look her in the eyes and because I have bad posture. Fan or hater? Oh, and also because I understand metaphors and stuff. I mean, I’m autistic but I’m also 21. I’ve been on this earth interacting with people for more than enough time to connect the dots, sweetie.
I guess that what I’m trying to say is, I’ve always felt like nobody really got me? Like I’m too normal to be with the "weird kids" and too weird to be with the "normal kids." Does that make any sense? And I’ve done multiple tests, I’ve read a lot about autism, I know that’s why I’m like this. Sometimes I get really upset thinking about it because I wish I was normal and I feel like if I didn’t have it I would be happier. I wouldn’t be so lonely, I would connect better and make better decisions.
Also, being autistic and masking it for so long also made me develop depression and serious anxiety. Which sucks, but whatever, right? Everybody has it nowadays. But it still sucks because I feel like I’m not a depressive person at all. I just really can’t be myself or connect with others and that makes me a sad person. And then I have anxiety because I know people wouldn’t look at me the way they look now if I was actually myself. But at the same time, I’m not really even sure how to be myself anymore.
That’s partially why I wanted to be diagnosed; I wanted to know how to deal with myself, know my boundaries better, know why I feel the way I do sometimes. But it’s hard being a woman with autism because people don’t really take you seriously when it’s not obvious. Even more so nowadays when everybody suddenly is mentally ill.
Well, if anybody has any tips on how to, I don't know, live and make friends and deal with autism, that would be appreciated. Sorry if I said anything offensive, it was not on purpose.
