Parent of Autistic child

I wanted you all to know, that I AM reading all of your replies.  Thank you so ao much for understanding how I felt as a mum. I also super appreciate that you all know how he is  feeling and understanding that it is so so difficult to navigate. I would literally go to hull and back  for my son. I'd  do anything t9 make the world a better place for Autostic children and adults.  

Hi Jellytots74 

He will find his people, it will take time and it is difficult.

I find/found it so difficult to make and maintain friends, I constantly mask/masked trying to fit in. I didn't understand what was wrong with me and why I always felt so different. How come everyone else seems to interact so freely but I can't? Why did I get called weird? I did eventually learn to embrace this. I still mask now. I do have less than a handful of friends who mean a lot to me. I tend to gravitate to like-minded individuals who are ND too. I am so much happier for it. This is why I asked whether there were any clubs your son might enjoy? Or if some sort of centre existed for children in the process of receiving a diagnosis/diagnosed? Although, I understand that clubs aren't cheap, so that can be a barrier.

However, watching my son finally find friends who he can truly be more like himself with has brought him and me joy. They do receive unkind comments which angers me. He does still hide some parts of himself but he is beginning to become aware of this. 

I always say that about my son too, that I want to wrap him up in cotton wool. They mean so much to us and it is apparent from your post. 

I did actually think you meant jam, as in something you eat, I thought of tea cakes or scones with tea or coffee. But on reflection I suppose that wouldn't be ideal with bouncing up and down.

In general I think over explaining is better than under explaining. It prompts fewer questions l, plus uncertainty is a problem if there are limited shared reference points or assumptions. I wouldn't worry about it.

Sarcasm isn't always something that is easy to pick up.

The alternative to knowing is to not know, and that has its own set of challenges. I think the thing to do is to try give him as much confidence as possible to try stuff. And help explain and moderate any setbacks. In any encounter it is important to remember there are two people so it is not correct to always assume all the blame, which you tend to do.

It doesn't stop him achieving what he wants, just requires a little more planning. 

You are caring parent and it's very important for your children. My mom also confirmed there was always something different about me, but the only thing she done was pretending and covering up so others wouldn't find out and even when they told her, she always answered, no it's just me, I'm just like this etc. 

I remember,  when I was around 20, my step dad told me, that I finally have to find friends and gave a recipe for finding friends: I had to get interested with cosmetics and fashion. I was happy first that I would finally find friends, that I got an instruction how to do it and I took it as a promise- if I get busy with these things, I will finally make friends.  But it didn't work, I only wasted my time and energy and suffered with sensory issues with the smelly cosmetics,  including most of the fragrance,  with jewellery annoying me terribly and I finally dropped it. And then I wanted to go back to my big love (special interest) that was Russian.  But couldn't, felt broken, empty and lied to. I was supposed to find friends,  but didn't. So it caused me a big frustration.  Your son us waiting long, is there any option for Right to choose to wait few months instead of years? The sooner he receives help, the better. Here I just shared some of my story, I myself can't advise anything.  I wish with my whole heart,  that next generations of ND people get better understood,  supported and don't suffer so much.

I just wanted to say, Thank you so so much, from the bottom of my heart and soul. Genuinely I mean that. All I can do is support him and try to be as tactful as possible with  regard to said "friendships". Currently we are at Jump City trampoline park, where there is a Jump and Jam chrostmas session (Jam as in music not the stuff we eat), please don't  think I am trying t9 be sarcastic, I really am not. I know some people will take me literally and I don't want to cause confusion. He is going up and down in an almost straight line, from trampoline to trampoline. Ignoring music and lights. Just running and semi bouncing by himself. I guess as difficult as it is for him to navigate the world  as it is, it is also so soo difficult as a parent. I really want to wrap him up in cotton wool (metaphorically speaking) and protect him from all that is wrong. Thank you, it is so very much  appreciated , knowing as a family, we aren't alone.

When you're  up until almost 3am sobbing your eyes out, because there isn't a solution. No map to navigate. We're just trying to find what,works. So far we have been waiting almost 6 years for a diagnosis, even though I was told when he was 3 there was something different. Also, I know when he was 18 months old. I just knew. After 6 other children, I know something was different with  number 7. He truly is my whole world. 

Please know, I feel for all neurodiverse adults and children. 

Good morning from America, Jellytots74.

I’ll echo what Loz and Alien0n3arth said in that it is excellent to hear that you are supporting your son during such a stressful age in his life. Yeah, 12 is hard and there’s a lot of changes internally and externally that happens around then, and us Autists REALLY struggle with change in general lol.

My advice is to help him to understand that he’s not alone in being potentially Autistic. There’s loads of other children and adults with the condition. For example, you could point towards Anthony Hopkins or Greta Thunberg, who are both Autistic adults that have accomplished a lot. Knowing that he is part of an invisible community that spans the globe just by potentially being Autistic may help?

I hope that helps, I wish you the best.

Hi Jellytots74 

Welcome to the community. 

I'm sorry to hear about your son, I feel heartbroken for you. It is so difficult when they are self aware. I have a son who is slightly younger than your son and recently received his diagnosis. 

Are there any clubs your son would be interested in? 

It can feel so isolating for them but he is lucky to having such a kind and caring mum and sister!

Loz  

I can relate a lot to what your son says. Only my patents didn't care. I only heard: just make some friends! They won't come themselves to you! Nobody ever understood me. I wished I had a friend "like me" others were like aliens to me. Or I was an alien to them. And still am. It feels bad, to be so isolated. Loosing friend soon after making them was also my experience.  I wish your son to be diagnosed ASAP and receive help. I still feel this way - don't know how to act and what to say. But at least now I understand better,  why it happens.