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Hello

spry

Hi. 
late diagnosed AuDhd adult. 
OCD / Anxiety / SAD / depression alongside. 

Kind of being cornered into getting a job which is causing a lot of overload and anxiety. 
I last worked before my oldest child was born and that was 15 years ago.. since then I’ve had a lot of diagnosis’s and was assessed as being limited capability for work.  I’ve never held a job longer than around 8-9 months due to getting easily bored of the sameness and overwhelmed with the commitment of it, as well as the sensory issues it causes and the fact that holding conversations are incredibly difficult and stressful for me.

i don’t know how to deal with it all if im honest. I try to explain how much I struggle and it feels like no one believes me. I very regularly struggle to leave the house because of anxiety and autistic burnout, being around people exhausts me to the point where I will then sleep the entire following day away because of overwhelm. I suffer incredibly bad with PMDD/PMS which leaves me bed bound whenever my period comes around so my brain is a bit frazzled in working out how I’m supposed to ignore all of the many things that stop me functioning to then go to work.. as well as being the main carer to my neurodivergent children and run the household that already leaves me emotionally and physically overstimulated.

i know i sound like such a moaning cow and there’s plenty of people who are Atypical and struggle but still do “life” but I just can’t do it. I feel like an alien and everyone around me is just getting on with things and I’m sat not even able to recognise when I’m hungry, cant make a phone call for myself and can’t just “go to the shop” if I fancy it because I can’t bring myself to leave the house. 


I feel like a total failure because I’m being asked what my hobbies are, what my best self is, what job have I always wanted and truthfully I don’t have an answer for any of the questions. There’s nothing in life that I think “oh gosh this is my favourite thing to do ever”, I never knew what job I wanted because I spent my teenage years copying everyone to fit in.. and when I left school and went to college I just again did what people I knew did to try and be “normal” - I dropped out of one course after a month because people just took a dislike to me.. I applied at a different college to study law and again just couldn’t make friends so spent all my time isolated.. I ended up in an abusive relationship which he then forced me to quit the course after 6 months, I then spent 16 months essentially housebound with him not being allowed to do anything or see anyone. 
I’ve had 3 jobs in my whole life. All in retail and they’ve all left me wanting to shrivel away. I cannot do “people” I can’t do crowds or noise, or being asked questions or getting given demands..Weary’m not averse to going back to work but honestly, what can I even do?! 
I hate that I don’t ask to be here, be the way I am… and yet I’m expected to just do it all. 

  • Hello  , welcome to the community! 

    I completely get what you are saying, being the mum to one diagnosed and one suspected ND kid, getting through the day itself is a full time effort! I do work now, but when mine were younger I was off for a few years with each of them.

    And now fitting in a job too? I have had very little time for me, as I'm someone who's used to putting everyone else first (and self esteem is nil, which sounds like you). Recently my husband was working late, and if I wasn't working too, I wouldn't actually know what to do with myself and just sit on sofa, thinking things. When you get to that point when you feel you don't have a personality, it's very hard. I recently released that even my favourite flavour as a child (blackcurrant) was consciously based around not conflicting with my siblings when there was a choice.

    Like   says, raising ND kids when you are ND is not to be underestimated, and if you have 3, hats off to you. Mine make constant loud noises, bounce balls, need constant reminding to do things, it's draining. And as I'm so fearful of conflict and want them to be happy, I do tend to put their needs always above mine, so they'll complain if I'm singing a song or wanting to watch something or go out for a family walk and I'll stop. At home you tend to keep making yourself smaller and looking after everyone else, that you don't have time to be a person yourself. But my husband is supportive and tells the kids not to talk over me or be rude (not intentionally, but my daughter has issues with saying sorry so I don't always make her or she meltdowns).

    Are you the same that you are hard to buy anything for as you don't really want anything? I am trying though, I did ask for another expansion for a board game I like (wingspan), as even if I don't have time to play, at least I can look at the cards. 

    I also was going to add, I work from home, and it's so much better. I can get what I need to do done without worrying about other people. I could never cope in a retail job, I think it would be exhausting. Definitely do some research into jobs that aren't customer facing!  And you can make up some hobbies that you would like to do, even if you don't actually have time/energy for them. At least it's an aspiration! 

    You aren't alone anyway!

  • in reply to whomper
    whomper said:
    You don't sound like a failure, just someone with a lot on their plate trying to find a way through it. 

    To further emphasize this, I’d like to say that caring for ND children when you yourself are ND (especially with depression/anxiety in the mix) is not easy. That is very difficult and working a job on top of that is an incredible feat. I agree with whomper that you do not sound like a failure.

  • Hello

    Is there any work you could do from home? There seem to be more opportunities around than there used to be. I work from home and it's a godsend to be honest - I would struggle in a conventional working environment. I've worked as a self-employed gardener in the past as well, which was OK as I was left to my own devices most of the time.

    You don't sound like a failure, just someone with a lot on their plate trying to find a way through it. 

  • Good morning. ASD/ADHD/GAD/depression here. My job is currently helping people with disabilities find employment.

    Honestly? Retail’s probably not the best sector to be looking for work in your case. I understand there’s not a whole lot out there that isn’t retail or fast food, but neither of those really seem to be great fits for people with ASD. Unless you’re solely stocking in a store or loading/unloading trucks, that might be okay.

    If you’re looking for a low stress / low customer interaction job, then dishwashing or custodial seem to be great fits. However, in your case, it sounds like you also struggle with jobs that don’t push you intellectually as well. I did very, very well at a factory job just packaging cans and tanks of insulation foam into boxes, but I struggled with finding a purpose to it. So I get that.

    All in all, I’d say maybe consider custodial. You can work at a slower pace usually, there’s low customer interaction, and it is possible to find a purpose in helping others. I have one client working a lunch shift as a custodian at a school, and he loves knowing that he is helping children, even if indirectly. I see custodial work as noble work, even if it doesn’t seem glamorous.