New diagnosis

That's exactly what when I told my manager, 'I think we're all a bit autistic.' I hadn't planned to tell her when I did, but something she said about 'autistics' as she calls it, really wound me up. 

I'm still looking for another job, finding this one all too much at the moment. Hopefully I'll get something after Christmas. 

Thank you

Thank you for your kind words and advice, good to know how others have gotten on following diagnosis

Hello and welcome to the community.

I received my diagnosis following retirement so I can’t speak from experience regarding your situation. I realise now that I shouldn’t have told some people about my diagnosis as they responded with “we are all a bit autistic” and “I understand, you have it just mildly”. I would just say take time to consider what is in your best interests. Some people might be interested in how your autism affects you and be accepting, others might be dismissive. If you are seeking accommodations, perhaps ask for things that work for you such as, “I need a quiet space to do X, otherwise I can’t concentrate” or “Can you put this in writing please? I find it easier to process written instructions”. Hopefully your place of employment will be understanding and will be interested enough to listen to your experience of being an autistic person.

Hi AndyB 

I can respond from my personal experience.

First of all I had a problem telling myself - denial and confusion was somewhat problematic.  The impression that I have from your post indicates you seem to be quite well sorted on that.

Telling others might inform you more about them based on their responses rather than you telling them about yourself.  It takes time for others to readjust and they might not be as well informed as you or as willing to reframe their perspective of you too.

I have found some discrimination, stigmatisation and simple ignorance from some I have told.

When telling others I find myself balancing protecting/being myself, gaining acknowledgement, the desire to let everyone know what to me at least is a big thing and also what I see as a wider social need for increased understanding of autism.

You may find that the issues you encounter are not possible to resolve - personally I find this the hardest part to come to terms with.

I suspect that you're in an ideal job for you and the people you work with - as regards telling employer depends on whether any benefits re: reasonable adjustments and how you're being treated maybe.

All the best!

Thanks Prof, I really appreciate your message, it's great that there is such a fantastic community on here. 

Yes, it has definitely put a lot of pieces in place for me about my childhood and adult life. I'm done essays I wish I'd known years ago, but then again, would I be the person I am if I had received an earlier diagnosis?

I can understand your reluctance to tell too many people. I'm sure it didn't help in the states when a certain person started talking nonsense about Tylenol in pregnancy, based on absolutely nothing!

Thanks again and all the best, Andy

Good afternoon from America, AndyB.

Congrats on your diagnosis! I hope it helps with answering some of your questions.

That’s awesome to hear that you have so much experience with people that have disabilities! I’m in a field adjacent to the care industry; I am an employment specialist that helps people with disabilities find jobs. I’ve only been in it for a little over half a year, though. I am very lucky that my supervisor is actually very accommodating. I’m sorry to hear that yours doesn’t sound quite so. From my experience, it’s good to be cautious who you tell, but it is nice to have coworkers that know and can help you when you need it. Right now pretty much all of my coworkers know, but at my last job at a factory I was way more careful. The region I live in is kind of notorious about misinformation regarding things like Autism.

AndyB said:

I'm probably going to tell her about my diagnosis anyway, it will be interesting to see what her reaction will be! 

Honestly? If you’re already considering leaving, what’s the worst that can happen? That’s just my opinion judging by what you’ve said.

AndyB said:

My wife doesn't seem very convinced by my diagnosis

I had a very similar situation. My wife didn’t buy it for the longest time because she is used to working with higher support Autistic individuals in a hospital setting. It took my mother hearing about the diagnosis and saying “Oh, that makes sense” and my daughter also getting diagnosed for it to eventually click for her. Now she’s a huge supporter. Just give it some time, maybe she’ll come around if you wait a bit.

Best wishes!

Thank you so much, very much appreciated

Thank you, that's really kind. 

Yes, I still haven't really processed it yet to be honest and I've spent such a long time masking things and acting in ways that I haven't necessarily naturally felt, that I'm not too sure how else to be just at the moment. I'm sure things will get a little more figured out. I started a new job in September which I'm not hugely enjoying, in a large part due to my manager and the massive lack of support I've been given since starting and, considering it's in the care industry working with disabled people, the things she comes out with have had me flabbergasted. She stood in the residence in which I support four autistic individuals the other day and actually said "for want of a better word, 'normal people' see the world in black and white but there's also that grey area, whereas autistics just see things in black and white!" Needless to say, I'm looking for another job asap at the moment because between that, an overall very negative atmosphere, swamped with paperwork I don't know what to do with and gruelling shifts, it's really not the job for me! 

I'm probably going to tell her about my diagnosis anyway, it will be interesting to see what her reaction will be! 

My wife doesn't seem very convinced by my diagnosis, even though she was the one who originally suggested I pursue it, plus we have an autistic son. Still working on things and lots of answers to things throughout my life, plus lots more questions have popped up... I'll get there! 

Thanks again, Andy

Hi, I just wanted to say congratulations, I hope, on your diagnosis. I hope it starts to help you figure out everything, it can be a very confusing journey. 

One thing I've picked up is not to rush into telling everyone about it. It's a big thing, and I'm still processing it myself, and while my husband and kids know, I haven't yet broached the subject with anyone else just yet at I'm not quite ready. 

Some people might not share your excitement/importance and think they are reassuring you that they don't think you are autistic, when actually you are just needing acceptanceb that you are. So I think having some back up scripts to say about what autism is (not just Rainman or Sheldon), and why you are, will help. 

Telling work sounds like a minefield, of whether you have a good experience or a very bad one. I don't feel the need to tell mine as I work remotely and don't need be accommodations. 

Read a lot on here, you can search for conversations to see what others have said previously and start new posts. And join in with all the chatter, some of it is serious/philosophical/social/random. 

I've been reading books too to try and help, though I can't get through them like a normally do with books, as everything makes me think of my own experiences and then I've found I've zoned out and lost my place!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello AndyB 

Thank you for sharing this the the Community and congratulations on getting your diagnosis, if this has given you clarity and validation. Our website has a diagnosis hub, this includes information, practical and multimedia resources to support autistic people and their families before during and after diagnosis.

You may want to visit the other resources on our website, we have advice and guidance on a wide range of information about autism, socialising and relationships,communication and education: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance

You can try searching on our Autism Services Directory for diagnostic services in your local area. The Directory also includes listings for support and social groups for autistic people, their families and friends.

All the best,

Chloe Mod