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New here... but father's who care

JanesJ

I am sure my scenario is not unique but here goes. Since my separation of my 13 year marriage 3 years ago. I had a court order put in place to protect me as a father and my two children.

I am desperate to get support. 

One of my children has autism, non-verbal, Incontinent and needs support for everyday life tasks. He is now 7 and a big strong boy. He also has severe learning difficulties. I currently have joint care and my children stay with me their father Saturday till Tuesday every week. However I get no support or help from anyone. Because I am not the children's main carer. I do not receive any child benefit, pip, universal credit. Carers allowance. Absolutely nothing. I pay for health nappies, clothes, shoes, school dinners on days they are in my care, specialise push chairs, car seats the list is endless. 

But what I do receive is an instruction from the CSA / CSM that I need to pay mum a monthly direct debit of 500£ a month. Despite her earning 40k a year. I do work and do earn average wage. Despite that. I can't get any support for my my son and every application leads to a dead end.

The very small bit of spare time I have,  I  spent completing Autism awareness courses and good beginnings courses to support him better.

A blue badge, or any help from charities, grants, funding, even carers allowance seem to be knocked back because I work a 40 hour week and not in receipt of any benefit and not his main carer.

I share the care of my children...if not more than mum.  The CSA  do not listen to individual cases and are very text book.

I feel I want them to take me to court because  hopefully a judge will listen. I feel I some case better off not working. I feel alone. I do my upmost for my children and my autistic son to support his needs. 

I worry for him when I have gone. I need urgent help and support and I can't get any. I live with parents at 46 because of my hefty monthly payments. I live for my kids needs but sometimes feel I should give up and not be the caring dad like some others.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes grammar ect Keep caring  JAMES

Parents

  • The CSA has been a disaster from the start, the only people who seemed to want this to happen were the government of the day, no womens groups or anyone else wanted it, it overturned previous settlements and has caused loads of grief and hardship ever since. Co-parenting was a thing when CSA was forst started, not the norm that it is now and agree its unfair along with the rest of the benefits system, can you talk to your ex about it and see if you can work something out between you that more equitable? 

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  • The CSA has been a disaster from the start, the only people who seemed to want this to happen were the government of the day, no womens groups or anyone else wanted it, it overturned previous settlements and has caused loads of grief and hardship ever since. Co-parenting was a thing when CSA was forst started, not the norm that it is now and agree its unfair along with the rest of the benefits system, can you talk to your ex about it and see if you can work something out between you that more equitable? 

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