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Sorry for not contributing much

Take5

Hi all

As the title suggests I’m in a complete muddle over many things related to my diagnosis in June. Fortunately for everyone I don’t have the energy to post everything that explains why I’m struggling. I have still been checking in on here and reading posts on various topics but I have just not had the capacity to join in. 
I feel okay for a few days and dare I say even positive about the future and then something brings me right back down again. Currently sat here at 2:25 am thinking about a social gathering I was told we are attending next Saturday and it’s tipped me over the edge again. 
I was sociable last week and my partner was quite supportive which was a really positive thing for me and filled me with hope. I managed the night and took some provisions and had regular breaks from the chaos. 
for next week I asked questions about who will be there and a start and finish time for preparation purposes. I was told to stop making a fuss and why can’t I just enjoy myself (I’m thinking Pierre Novellie). 
Things have been so up and down since June that I have lost interest in most things, lack motivation and of course it’s been that long that I haven’t contributed on here that I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. 

I am very sorry to put this post out but I just feel a little desperate and just needed to share, or perhaps over share as I’m sometimes told. 

My head hurts. 

Parents

  • My head hurts too...lots of the time...you are not alone in how you are feeling.

    First of all don't worry about not contributing. I think most of us need time out and sharing shouldn't be forced. You do belong here BTW, and you are not oversharing. How can we help each other if we don't know what each of us is going through.

    I am currently having zoom training every Friday with AEM and this week is was about Assertiveness and Boundaries. It made me realize that within my relationship I have had very few boundaries and it's made me vulnerable. I would do things because I thought I had to with zero consideration of how it made me feel. Truly it made me feel miserable, lots of the time.

    I wonder if maybe you could say to your partner that you don't feel up to attending the social event and try not to feel bad about it. It sounds like your partner is trying to understand you and be supportive which is great, so hopefully if you explain why it will help.

    I'm starting to realize there are certain things I don't want to do, not because I'm being awkward but because they are sometimes unbearable for me. Even is society frowns upon me it doesn't matter, my well-being is more important than attending a social event.

    Take care of yourself.

  • in reply to Lonehare12

    Very kind words. Thank you.

    The course you are doing sounds great and guess it has given you a lot of self realisation to be able to manage things in a more balanced way. 
    I have had quite a lot of contact with AEM, they helped me with information and advice for my youngest son pre and post diagnosis. They also helped me start to advocate for him where school was concerned…. Such a valuable service and I will be forever grateful to them. 
    I find it astonishing how I could do the social thing before, obviously still feeling like I’m in a glass box and wandering around from person to person to say a little and move on. Never really knew why I had a hangover with drinking very little alcohol, guess that was social hangover as I’ve heard it described. 
    Good old boundaries, it’s something my therapist suggested I had very little in place in my relationship and with the small number of friends I have. People do capitalise on the fact your always so agreeable and eager to put their best interests before your own. 
    I do blame myself for that, letting others take advantage of your kindness.

    Anyway I’m waffling on again but just wanted to let you know it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone but  just wanted to say your not alone also ( just repaying the kindness back)

    Good luck with your AEM course and thank you again 

  • in reply to Take5

    (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠Heart

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