Sorry for not contributing much

Hi all

As the title suggests I’m in a complete muddle over many things related to my diagnosis in June. Fortunately for everyone I don’t have the energy to post everything that explains why I’m struggling. I have still been checking in on here and reading posts on various topics but I have just not had the capacity to join in. 
I feel okay for a few days and dare I say even positive about the future and then something brings me right back down again. Currently sat here at 2:25 am thinking about a social gathering I was told we are attending next Saturday and it’s tipped me over the edge again. 
I was sociable last week and my partner was quite supportive which was a really positive thing for me and filled me with hope. I managed the night and took some provisions and had regular breaks from the chaos. 
for next week I asked questions about who will be there and a start and finish time for preparation purposes. I was told to stop making a fuss and why can’t I just enjoy myself (I’m thinking Pierre Novellie). 
Things have been so up and down since June that I have lost interest in most things, lack motivation and of course it’s been that long that I haven’t contributed on here that I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. 

I am very sorry to put this post out but I just feel a little desperate and just needed to share, or perhaps over share as I’m sometimes told. 

My head hurts. 

Parents
  • You don't need to apologise.

    It takes time, a little thought and some effort to post. People can choose where best to spend these, particularly if they are limited.

    To dip in and out is what a forum is for. It is not real time so people can contribute when ready.

    You may be becoming depressed. Losing interest and motivation would match. Or you could be burning out. Perhaps you need to do less, or lower your expectations of yourself. Could you just not atte d the next event? Just carrying on with little adjustments may not be enough.

    You might want to consider what is draining you that you can improve on. Pay attention to when you are tense or feel under pressure.

  • Thank you. 
    I would say expectations of myself have been high and not complying with social norms have caused comments being hurled in my direction from my partner. 
    It is a tough balance and it seems I’m the one that is ignoring my needs. It all just fills me with dread unfortunately. 
    I am on ssri’s which I have reduced my dosage slowly but have been okay so far. 
    Think I need to probably stand up for myself more and just learn to say the magic word NO…… I never really do. 
    I have also been less active here since Roy departed from here, think he was having a tough time and needed some space. I do miss him and felt that we had some common interests. 

    Thank you for replying Stuart333

  • . It all just fills me with dread unfortunately. 

    This is your problem. Your daily bucket of energy has a hole in it. You need to look at what is causing the dread and make it smaller.

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