Hello. I'm new to this I'm Julia

Hi Juliet

I'm an autistic dad of a not formally diagnosed autistic daughter - who is now aged 27  I think she knows she's autistic but doesn't outwardly acknowledge it as much as I do - I hope and believe that is because her insight into the condition began developing far earlier than mine and she is more comfortable in society than I was at the same age.

Good advice to learn what one can -

might also be worth finding a book aimed at teenagers, girls too so your daughter can gen up on it? Was one recommended on this website via a chat a dew weeks ago, sorry can't recall the title.

It is somewhat ironic that being independent is tricky when one is autistic as by the initial terminology an autistic person prefers to be on their own!

General consensus I hold to is that being autistic is of itself not problematic however the problems arise as a consequence of living in a predominantly non-autistic society and perhaps the experiences you sadly find are part of that.

My lovely daughter is doing very well if that helps give some optimism for the future.  I must say tho' that the journey hasn't been plain sailing.

You and yours have my very best wishes.  :-)

Thank you for your message Phased. My daughter struggles being on her own. She gets picked on at times at school and she says she has no friends. I tried my best to get support but I backed down when they started pointing the finger at me and accusing me of this, that and the other. It's so hard being a parent and on your own. My daughter refuses to eat and today she refused because she heard me eating next to her. She got angry. 

Ah, yes the noisy eating dislike -  hehe me too...

Comes under the sensory differences category with autism.  Yep I can spot a variation in appearance a mile off that could be a useful survival skill for me and the tribe but eat crisps sat next to me whilst I'm trying to watch a film with you and I'll not be a happy man...

Maybe to explain something I only recently got my head around?

There is a "window" of stress/stimulus tolerance that everyone can manage.  Go above this and one is liable to mania and burnout.  Go below this and there's "switch-off".

This "window" is likely to be narrower for many autistic people than for neurotypical people.

Ideally the individual themselves needs to get an insight into what their window is like and whereabouts they are in relationship to it so they are able to influence what experiences they're OK for. 

As I said for me I was diagnosed 3 years ago aged 58 and I'm only now getting my head around what it means in practice rather than going on what was expected of myself and by others using "neurotypical" standards...

Meanwhile those around me might well have had a sense of what was going on for me, or they might not have - not knowing I was autistic meant that instead I was some awkward and eccentric so and so who just didn't want to engage.  Here's the thing, I did... just didn't know how "disregulated" I was by these standards and that environment...

So learning what the window looks like and how to stay in it is maybe a good thing to consider for all concerned? :-)

There is then a possibilty that one might be able to explore opening the window a little further (say on a good day when the weather's nice to start with :-) )  

Here's another thought tho' so not only do this take the person out of their window of stress tolerance (and that person might have been living in that state for a long time considering it to be "normall".  Events and experiences can also lead to that window closing too.

As regards the getting picked on thing - I have black belts in martial arts and I still get picked on!  Unfortunately comes with the territory of being "different" and sometimes not even realising one is being bullied because of the desire to fit in so much...  (hehe, also (perhaps unfortunately) is it socially reprehensible to lamp people even if they are bullies...)  There are some good people on here tho' who are autistic and have more subtle social skills  to sort out bullies than I have so don't give up on your daughter learning them... :-)

To quote Public Image Limited:  "Anger is an Energy"  - helping your daughter to understand how to recognise and regulate that could be a way to go on this...  Those books Iain  sorted out will probably have some good ideas on that - 

All the best :-)

PS apart from wife and family the best friends I've got are all "neurospicy" too...  might be useful to consider :-)

PS apart from wife and family the best friends I've got are all "neurospicy" too...  might be useful to consider :-)