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Hello and suggestions please

Tim_W21

Hi 

I've just joined, so 'hello', and am looking for some thoughts or suggestions of resources to help me better support my partner who is late diagnosed with autism (late 50s).

She works extremely hard at a job that can be both physically and emotionally challenging, but largely enjoys it. What I've read about burnout certainly resonates with how she seems to be at the moment. She has always particularly struggled with crowds and overwhelm in certain overstimulating situations, which I can understand. But there are other situations that I feel less equipped or struggle with the patience to help. For example, we were recently stuck in a traffic jam with little or no options as an alternative route. She had a meltdown but I just didn't know what to do. My immediate reaction to situations like these is to try come up with a 'solution' or to get out of it as soon as possible, but this was not an option. I must admit that in the back of my mind I was thinking, 'it's just traffic, no big deal, and why are you getting so worked up about it'. I tried to explain that we could try and find an alternative route or stop - but I guess I couldn't hide my irritation, which made matters worse.

If anyone has any suggestions about supporting in circumstances such as this, or other resources, courses etc for a husband who wants to be a better support, would be most appreciated. Many thanks  

Parents

  • Hi, I'm a late diagnosed autistic woman, (at age 56). It's great that you're looking for ways to be a better support for your partner, and there are a lot of resources here and elsewhere which could help. But if you don't mind me asking, were you already a couple before she was diagnosed? If so, how did you both manage challenging situations before? I know that it's stating the obvious, but you are the same people post diagnosis.

    If her diagnosis is recent, you are both very likely going through a lot of emotions.There is no shame in seeking counselling if either or both of you need it. Ideally you were offered some help afterwards anyway, but in any case educating yourself about autism is very important for her as well. I personally realised that after decades of "masking" and people pleasing to try to fit in I didn't really know who I was. Accepting the diagnosis is an ongoing process, even if you were expecting the result, and it is challenging, wonderful and very scary all at the same time. There can be much relief and a new clarity but also a lot of anger and sadness at finally finding out, and looking back on your life from the new perspective.

    Books and online resouces are widespread and could be very helpful, and also meeting with others in the same sort of situation. Are there any face to face support groups for couples like yourselves where you live? Some might meet at a local library for example, it's worth asking.

    Best wishes, I hope that you are able to find the help you need.

Reply

  • Hi, I'm a late diagnosed autistic woman, (at age 56). It's great that you're looking for ways to be a better support for your partner, and there are a lot of resources here and elsewhere which could help. But if you don't mind me asking, were you already a couple before she was diagnosed? If so, how did you both manage challenging situations before? I know that it's stating the obvious, but you are the same people post diagnosis.

    If her diagnosis is recent, you are both very likely going through a lot of emotions.There is no shame in seeking counselling if either or both of you need it. Ideally you were offered some help afterwards anyway, but in any case educating yourself about autism is very important for her as well. I personally realised that after decades of "masking" and people pleasing to try to fit in I didn't really know who I was. Accepting the diagnosis is an ongoing process, even if you were expecting the result, and it is challenging, wonderful and very scary all at the same time. There can be much relief and a new clarity but also a lot of anger and sadness at finally finding out, and looking back on your life from the new perspective.

    Books and online resouces are widespread and could be very helpful, and also meeting with others in the same sort of situation. Are there any face to face support groups for couples like yourselves where you live? Some might meet at a local library for example, it's worth asking.

    Best wishes, I hope that you are able to find the help you need.

Children