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Parent of a child just diagnosed

Jazz9902

Hi all, my child has just been diagnosed with Autism.  We know in school he masks and is clever academically, however he struggles emotionally and has meltdowns when he comes back home. He struggles with his friendships, he gets bullied, physically and he will go back to the person that has hurt him because he doesn't understand he needs to stay away. We've tried explaing it to him but I'm wondering if anyone else had experienced this and what they did that worked.

He struggles with going to the toilet at school and needs to be told to go because he will leave himself so desperate through the fear of his work not being complete. He's very slow with writing so doesn't like doing to the toilet if he's in class that requires writing. Hoping to have a meeting with the senco regarding support in school.

He's not taking the diagnosis well. We've explained its not a bad thing and its there to help and support him now. I've also bought some books to help him understand what the diagnosis means and that others see the world like he does. 

Any advice appreciated. 

Thank you Blush 

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you so much. This really helps.

  • in reply to Iain

    Hi thank you for all this information its so helpful. Sorry my child is 7 will soon be 8

  • Hello from America, Jazz9902!

    I’ve experienced a few of these with my daughter (C, age 7), but I’m not so certain our solution is going to be much of help to your situation. I’ll share just in case, though.

    Jazz9902 said:
    He struggles with his friendships, he gets bullied

    C was bullied primarily on the bus last year. Thankfully, only verbal abuse, but she would still come home crying. It didn’t help that she was struggling really hard in her general classroom as well, so the bus bullying was just the icing on the cake. We almost engaged with the parents of the children doing the bullying and the bus driver, but an opportunity came up that we could switch her classroom/bus. She ended up on a bus with other social/emotional needs children, so there was a bus aide. Having a bus aide, I think, was really key to her getting away from any sort of abuse on the bus.

    Jazz9902 said:
    He struggles with going to the toilet at school and needs to be told to go

    That was a tricky one. C took years to get potty trained, so she had a long span of time afterwards where she would get so distracted (she’s ADHD as well) she would soil herself on accident. She’s mostly grown out of it by now, but during the problem it took communicating with her teachers to get the help she needs. So your meeting with senco is the right path to take, I think.

    I also had issues with this as a child. A little TMI, but i did grow out of it, though I still had some constipation issues through high school. It may never be fixed overnight for him to learn the executive functioning required to put a task down and go to the restroom, but over time he should be able to manage it.

    I hope that helps!

  • in reply to Iain

    I have a few suggestions for books that may help - please check their reviews on sites like Amazon or Goodreads before buying them.

    I note you haven't specified the age of your son so not all of these may be relevant:

    Developing Resilience in Young People with Autism Using -- Timmins, Siobhan - 2017 - ISBN 9781784506438

    Social Skills for Teenagers with Developmental and Autism -- Elizabeth A_ Laugeson; Fred Frankel - ISBN 9780203867686

    Social Skills Success for Students with Autism / Asperger's -- Fred Frankel & Jeffrey J_ Wood - ISBN 9780470952382

    Talking with Your Child about Their Autism Diagnosis _ A -- Raelene Dundon, 2017 - ISBN 9781784505776

    Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008) - ISBN 9781843108764

    Social Skills Groups for Children And Adolescents With Asperger's Syndrome - A Step-by-step Program - Kim Kiker Painter (2008) - ISBN 1843108216

  • in reply to Iain

    The links and explanation are very helpful, thanks Iain. 

  • Jazz9902 said:
    We know in school he masks and is clever academically, however he struggles emotionally and has meltdowns when he comes back home.

    Hello there, NAS have some good articles about the education system and autists:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/school-education

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/school-education/extra-help-at-school

    The masking seems quite common (it is a social self defence mechanism after all) and helping him understand why he is doing it can help a bit so we can let himself be a bit more authentic when he feels safe.

    Friendships can be challengins too as at school age other kids can be quite feral in seeking out kids who are different and picking on them. Do you remember Lord of The Flies from school English Lit? This highlghts the struggle he faces every day.

    I'll see if I can find some books that are particularly relevant here if you want to do a bit of a deep dive into the subject.

  • Sounds like we are in a similar boat, Jazz! I wonder what tips and experiences other members can share here. We have found that Gamifying issues can help.