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55 years of not knowing.

Bunni3smum.

This week, I have been diagnosed with Autism. My mind is all over the place at the moment, one minute okay and the next very emotional. I was always the quiet, shy one in the family who loved being alone playing with dolls and then later on, playing darts in the garage on my own. I have been bullied at school and in every job , one of which being in a school. I have been advised that I do have ADHD traits when I received my ASD diagnosis even though I'm still awaiting the assessment for ADHD.

Due to being threatened by HR and the headmaster in the school where I work, which entailed them trying to say that I was not capable of carrying out my job after being off with PTSD due to abuse at work by a parent! They were not at all understanding about PTSD and would not recognise that if this parent had been dealt with before when being abusive, this situation wouldn't have happened. I was the fourth member of staff to be verbally abused. Now I have ASD and potentially could have ADHD too, I am worried about telling them about the diagnosis and asking for reasonable adjustments. 

I am also worried about how my adult son will react as he only knows one person with severe autism but we present differently and I mask a lot. He has already commented in the past that ADHD is an excuse made for naughty boys, so I have no idea how to help him understand ASD and ADHD, even though I think he could also have ASD. Luckily, my daughter, who thinks she may have ADHD, is understanding and has researched the conditions so, although she found it weird to congratulate me for my diagnosis, she freely did because she hoped it would help me now to come to terms with why I am the way that I am.

How has any other late diagnosed people dealt with this and what has helped?

Parents

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I discovered that I was on the spectrum at around the same age you are now, which was around 9 years ago. I have found that it's a useful thing to know to help you understand yourself better and work out what you want in life, and how to deal with things better. But most people really aren't that interested, unless they are also on the spectrum and able to accept that they are.

    I found it useful to find out as much as possible about autism - there are some good articles on the "advice and guidance" section of this website and lots of books are available. I also read a book called "A field guide to earthlings - an autistic/asperger view of neurotypical behaviour" by Ian Ford, which explains how NT minds are different to autistic ones, and that helped me understand others as well as myself.

    With regards to your job, I worked in a school as a special needs teaching assistant in my early thirties and I found it rewarding, but very challenging at times, and I understand how you feel. It's up to you whether to disclose your autism diagnosis, but although they have to consider reasonable adjustments, they could say that what you request isn't reasonable or possible to implement in your role.

    Do you feel that you want to continue working in a school? Perhaps it might be a good idea to think about a career change to something that doesn't have such a potential for stress?

    Bunni3smum. said:
    I am also worried about how my adult son will react

    Do you really need to tell him? After all, the diagnosis doesn't change who you are - you've always been you. But if you prefer to be open and honest, I would just state it as a fact and say that if he has any questions about it you'll be happy to answer them (or research it together if you don't have the answer) and then leave it at that and not mention it again unless he does. 

    I hope that being part of the community helps you - please ask us any questions you may have.

Reply

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I discovered that I was on the spectrum at around the same age you are now, which was around 9 years ago. I have found that it's a useful thing to know to help you understand yourself better and work out what you want in life, and how to deal with things better. But most people really aren't that interested, unless they are also on the spectrum and able to accept that they are.

    I found it useful to find out as much as possible about autism - there are some good articles on the "advice and guidance" section of this website and lots of books are available. I also read a book called "A field guide to earthlings - an autistic/asperger view of neurotypical behaviour" by Ian Ford, which explains how NT minds are different to autistic ones, and that helped me understand others as well as myself.

    With regards to your job, I worked in a school as a special needs teaching assistant in my early thirties and I found it rewarding, but very challenging at times, and I understand how you feel. It's up to you whether to disclose your autism diagnosis, but although they have to consider reasonable adjustments, they could say that what you request isn't reasonable or possible to implement in your role.

    Do you feel that you want to continue working in a school? Perhaps it might be a good idea to think about a career change to something that doesn't have such a potential for stress?

    Bunni3smum. said:
    I am also worried about how my adult son will react

    Do you really need to tell him? After all, the diagnosis doesn't change who you are - you've always been you. But if you prefer to be open and honest, I would just state it as a fact and say that if he has any questions about it you'll be happy to answer them (or research it together if you don't have the answer) and then leave it at that and not mention it again unless he does. 

    I hope that being part of the community helps you - please ask us any questions you may have.

Children
  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you so much for your reply. Unfortunately, I am too honest and too open so I will find it difficult not telling work. I'd love to tell the children too when they're having a tough time, to show them that I CAN understand but I know this would be frowned on by management. Unfortunately, staff wellbeing has never really been a priority and parents are always protected over the staff. I absolutely love working with children so this would be hard for me to give up. Even on a bad day, the children can take my mind off things and can make me laugh.

    I will definitely keep looking at ways to cope with this diagnosis and to improve my knowledge and understanding about it too. I will need to discuss it with my son as he noticed me getting upset a couple of weeks ago due to sensory overload. I tend to mask at work but at home I feel overwhelmed because of the masking. This is something else that I need to read up on, how to unmask.

    Thanks again.