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Feeling a little lost and alone

jsneddon92

Hello,

I'm 33 years old and received my Autism diagnosis late last year. The first few months felt like normal day life, I guess the masking continued and hard to admit it but a little bit ashamed of my diagnosis. Still to tell my boss, even tho I know I'm struggling in a new role. I think I didn't want to accept who I am and kept trying to be "normal" that all changed when my daughter who is 4 was diagnosed also with Autism.
since then my mental health spiralled and has been a roller coaster since the summer but not with many ups, I feel like I've let my daughter down by not owning my Autism and how can I expect to lead her in life like this, it should be a blessing I have the tools to support her better.

Tried therapy but not really getting me anywhere so trying to find others who may be in a similar situation or have been and a community of support may help out.

Typed this out for days but today is the time to talk!

Parents

  • I think it depends what state you are in when you get diagnosed. I'd reached the end of the line, I was burnt out and depressed (not for the first time), had buried too much, had dysfunctional thoughts, was numb apart from occasional intense emotions, I could only work at 30% of normal (I kept it up to give me a routine), blood tests confirmed my hormones were all over the place, was struggling with executive function, my speech was getting worse, etc.

    I initially didn't want to accept there was anything wrong, but the evidence kind of kept piling up.

    I got formally diagnosed so I couldn't convince myself it was nothing really and try and bury it again.

    It took a while to accept, due to ... reasons, but it is what it is. Denying it will just put me back in burnout and I can't do it again.

    My point is that you are not a failure. You have to play the cards you are dealt. The skill is to work out how to do all the things you want in a smart way. Not knowing is the thing that really screws you up as you just plough on and ignore your body.

    It doesn't stop you doing things, it just means you need to be smarter and set some boundaries, know when to push and when to relax. But crucially, not to feel bad about saying no, not to feel bad about needing alone time, not to take everything so damn seriously, and don't compare yourself to other people.

    Cut yourself some slack. Some self-compassion goes a long way. 

    That you are worried about how well you will do means you'll be fine. Its not worrying that would be the problem.

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  • I think it depends what state you are in when you get diagnosed. I'd reached the end of the line, I was burnt out and depressed (not for the first time), had buried too much, had dysfunctional thoughts, was numb apart from occasional intense emotions, I could only work at 30% of normal (I kept it up to give me a routine), blood tests confirmed my hormones were all over the place, was struggling with executive function, my speech was getting worse, etc.

    I initially didn't want to accept there was anything wrong, but the evidence kind of kept piling up.

    I got formally diagnosed so I couldn't convince myself it was nothing really and try and bury it again.

    It took a while to accept, due to ... reasons, but it is what it is. Denying it will just put me back in burnout and I can't do it again.

    My point is that you are not a failure. You have to play the cards you are dealt. The skill is to work out how to do all the things you want in a smart way. Not knowing is the thing that really screws you up as you just plough on and ignore your body.

    It doesn't stop you doing things, it just means you need to be smarter and set some boundaries, know when to push and when to relax. But crucially, not to feel bad about saying no, not to feel bad about needing alone time, not to take everything so damn seriously, and don't compare yourself to other people.

    Cut yourself some slack. Some self-compassion goes a long way. 

    That you are worried about how well you will do means you'll be fine. Its not worrying that would be the problem.

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