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Feeling a little lost and alone

jsneddon92

Hello,

I'm 33 years old and received my Autism diagnosis late last year. The first few months felt like normal day life, I guess the masking continued and hard to admit it but a little bit ashamed of my diagnosis. Still to tell my boss, even tho I know I'm struggling in a new role. I think I didn't want to accept who I am and kept trying to be "normal" that all changed when my daughter who is 4 was diagnosed also with Autism.
since then my mental health spiralled and has been a roller coaster since the summer but not with many ups, I feel like I've let my daughter down by not owning my Autism and how can I expect to lead her in life like this, it should be a blessing I have the tools to support her better.

Tried therapy but not really getting me anywhere so trying to find others who may be in a similar situation or have been and a community of support may help out.

Typed this out for days but today is the time to talk!

Parents

  • I received my autism diagnosis almost 2 years ago. I went through several emotional 'phases'. The initial relief and joy of getting the diagnosis and the validation that I was right, I was autistic not any of the other things people thought might be. Then the confusion of not really knowing what being autistic actually meant and not knowing who I was anymore. Then the doubt - did they get it wrong, maybe I'm not really autistic, maybe I said something wrong to make them think I am but I'm really not. Now I think I'm just starting to accept that I am 'me' and that I am my own self, being autistic is part of 'me' but it doesn't define me.

    I don't have children but I really don't think you are letting your daughter down. It's best to let her see your real emotions, see how you feel and how you manage your emotions. It's much better to be honest about how you feel than try to cover it up and pretend everything is ok. If you are honest and open about your mental health struggles, it will show your daughter that she can be open about how she feels too. Being honest and open about your feelings is a strength not a weakness.

    Don't forget that it's your choice how much you share at work. You are under no obligation to tell them that you are autistic. Personally I have shared my diagnosis with my manager and the rest of my (small) team. They are all lovely, several of us are neuro divergent and we are a very supportive team. I found that telling people that I am autistic has allowed me to get support at work and has opened up conversations with other people who are neuro divergent which has been really helpful. But it's your choice and the decision you make will depend how much you trust your manger and your colleagues. 

  • in reply to Little Owl

    Thank you for your reply and sharing your start to the Autism journey, it's already been really refreshing and helpful today reading I'm not the only one. It really is crazy the phases you go through after a diagnosis I feel it's only really settling down now and I can deal with it better. In the process of accepting who I am and I am me.

    It's hard with children especially having put more pressure on myself having a daughter with Autism, I've put this pressure on I have to be successful now and be her role model I have to win each day but in reality no one wins each day and I need to show her real life, struggle and emotions as you say.

    Thank you again for your words of support, I think I will get round to telling work. As I'm sure they will support me but in a little bit of the denial stage and want to mask and be like everyone els in the office but I think I know they accept me for who I am and would offer slight changes if needed to support me.

    Today has felt emotional opening up about my struggles and reading messages from a community that this page looks life has given me some strength and comfort today. Appreciate your time to reply really!

Reply
  • in reply to Little Owl

    Thank you for your reply and sharing your start to the Autism journey, it's already been really refreshing and helpful today reading I'm not the only one. It really is crazy the phases you go through after a diagnosis I feel it's only really settling down now and I can deal with it better. In the process of accepting who I am and I am me.

    It's hard with children especially having put more pressure on myself having a daughter with Autism, I've put this pressure on I have to be successful now and be her role model I have to win each day but in reality no one wins each day and I need to show her real life, struggle and emotions as you say.

    Thank you again for your words of support, I think I will get round to telling work. As I'm sure they will support me but in a little bit of the denial stage and want to mask and be like everyone els in the office but I think I know they accept me for who I am and would offer slight changes if needed to support me.

    Today has felt emotional opening up about my struggles and reading messages from a community that this page looks life has given me some strength and comfort today. Appreciate your time to reply really!

Children
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