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Seeking Advice on Supporting an Undiagnosed Adult with Autism/ADHD

BL7

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this group and would really appreciate your advice.

We are currently facing challenges with our 27-year-old son, who may have undiagnosed autism or ADHD. Until recently, he had been trying very hard to manage things on his own, but since 2023 we’ve noticed some significant changes in his behavior, and he’s been struggling more than before.

He now finds it very difficult to work or engage with the community, and we’re concerned about how best to support him going forward. We suspect that his recent reactions and difficulties may be related to long-standing, undetected neurodivergence. He did not sleep well! 

If anyone has experience with similar situations, we’d be grateful for any guidance, resources, or next steps you could recommend, especially in terms of assessment, support services, or strategies that could help him feel more stable and included.

He refuses to accept this (autism or adhd) and bitterly deny to see the GP. 

Thank you so much for your time and support.

BL

Parents

  • It will be hard if he does not want to engage. It is hard to see anything wrong from the inside. I did the same thing and pushed away everyone who tried to help as I thought I was being manipulated. But then it was a different time and there was less info and more stigma.

    If he masks well the GP may say there is no issue. I don't do very well with GPs.

    I have not slept well for decades, which really does not help.

    I think all you can do is maybe suggest doing the online tests and perhaps point out the struggles, in a non-critical way. You just want to sow the seed of the idea and encourage self-discovery. Not to be critical, but to allow more self compassion and to find strategies that make life a bit easier. There is no need for anyone to know, but it can help him to know himself.

    I pushed myself too hard.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Agreed about the online tests. They certainly worked for me. I began to suspect I might be autistic after watching one of Chris Packham’s documentaries and I did the tests in order to prove to myself that I wasn’t. And here I am!

  • in reply to Wordsmith

    I was horrified after the first test, so did loads more to prove I wasn't. Then started researching more to prove they were wrong. In the end the evidence was just too overwhelming even I couldn't really deny it. The more I looked the more it all pointed one way.

    I did try arguing with the psychologists till I thought about it a bit; did I really know more after a bit of internet searching than people who had been doing it for 20+ years? I didn't want to be that person.

    So I decided to accept it and work with it.

    I just wish I'd known 30 years ago.

    You can still do all the things you could before, but you can have a strategy to make things better and easier. You are not as confused, you understand why you do the things you do. You can make allowances and check you are not misunderstanding things, give yourself space, not take everything so damn seriously, etc.

    I can't actually think of a downside, unless you want to use it as an excuse, rather than as knowledge to empower you.

    You do still need to push, life is never easy for anyone. Things still need to get done. There's no magic wand.

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  • in reply to Wordsmith

    I was horrified after the first test, so did loads more to prove I wasn't. Then started researching more to prove they were wrong. In the end the evidence was just too overwhelming even I couldn't really deny it. The more I looked the more it all pointed one way.

    I did try arguing with the psychologists till I thought about it a bit; did I really know more after a bit of internet searching than people who had been doing it for 20+ years? I didn't want to be that person.

    So I decided to accept it and work with it.

    I just wish I'd known 30 years ago.

    You can still do all the things you could before, but you can have a strategy to make things better and easier. You are not as confused, you understand why you do the things you do. You can make allowances and check you are not misunderstanding things, give yourself space, not take everything so damn seriously, etc.

    I can't actually think of a downside, unless you want to use it as an excuse, rather than as knowledge to empower you.

    You do still need to push, life is never easy for anyone. Things still need to get done. There's no magic wand.

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