Hi just joined hopefully done right just thought
To give it ago as iv tried everything read everything just feels like I'm on my own most of the time dealing with kids behaviour and my own issues is exhausting but hello everyone else that is going through it
just feels like I'm on my own most of the time dealing with kids behaviour and my own issues is exhausting
What age are the kids?
It helps a lot once you can get them off to school and you have some time to yourself.
Before that stage, can you get them off to any nursery classes to give you a break?
Once you get to the point where you have a decent block of time to yourself I found it helps a lot to learn to meditate so you can put yourself into a relaxed state quickly and give yourself maximum time to recharge before those little balls of chaos erupt back into your day.
Another useful option is routine and chores. Once they are old enough start to give the kids a chore to do that is in their capability and give them a sense of responsibility for it. You can reward them with pocket money at the end of the week to give them a sense of earning potential so they start to pick up life skills understanding.
If you are doing other chores / housework at the same time then you get it all out the way sooner and can create routine which helps many autists regulate better.
Enforce bedtimes then give yourself time to relax in the evening since the chores are done. This may not be viable every day but every bit helps.
It can be hard work keeping the routines and discipline with the family but the greater reward of knowing everything is done and having more time to recharge is the best trade off in my view.
These are just my opinions and before anyone thinks I mean discipline in a mean, agressive way. I don't.
Thanks for the advice iv just started doing pocket money my kids are 10 years old and it's so difficult to deal with them iv had to present with them at all times as one is very aggressive and violent. It's nice in one way to send them into school but it's hard work just to get there then I have to deal with explosive behaviour when they get back from school so I feel like no matter what I do it's hell on earth.iv had so many people from school and family support workers giveing me advice but nothing works. One of my boys is so good and compliant in school they don't believe me when I said he is masking in school and his anger afterwards is relentless and his brother gets the worst of it or me as I'm having to protect him it's so difficult I'm waiting for all the assessment results to come back hoping that this will help.
If not maybe separate them one lives with dad for a few days and swap over so it's fair as I'm running out of ideas.
Anyway thanks for the advice everyone it's appreciated and it helps knowing that I have this platform to turn to.
One of my boys is so good and compliant in school they don't believe me
Have you considered recording a few of these sessions to show them as proof. Keep a diary as well so you can demonstrate these are not isolated incidences. In the face of the proof they will have to concede.
Another thought on the explosive behaviour - there is often a transition that comes from masking at school to unmasking at home and a lot of frustration / stress builds up and needs a release, so could he be given chores that give him more transition time outside of the house?
Maybe get him to run an errand on his bike (if he has one) to burn off some of that energy. There are quite a few ways to help with the decompression phase here including taking martial arts classes etc. Are there any after school physical activities he could sign up for? Football, rugby, running etc?
My parents used to make my pocket money conditional on completing my chores so this is one mechanism to start teaching the "need to earn to support yourself" skills.
At some point it will be worth having a talk with him to explain why he gets so explosive and show how the activities have helped him come down from that stage. This will start to educate him in self management of his symptoms in future.
Just some ideas around this one facet of his autism - think if any can work for you.
How about you though?
Do you have effective ways to manage the stress from all this? Parents are often overlooked in terms of help where the little monsters are concerned.
One of my boys is so good and compliant in school they don't believe me
Have you considered recording a few of these sessions to show them as proof. Keep a diary as well so you can demonstrate these are not isolated incidences. In the face of the proof they will have to concede.
Another thought on the explosive behaviour - there is often a transition that comes from masking at school to unmasking at home and a lot of frustration / stress builds up and needs a release, so could he be given chores that give him more transition time outside of the house?
Maybe get him to run an errand on his bike (if he has one) to burn off some of that energy. There are quite a few ways to help with the decompression phase here including taking martial arts classes etc. Are there any after school physical activities he could sign up for? Football, rugby, running etc?
My parents used to make my pocket money conditional on completing my chores so this is one mechanism to start teaching the "need to earn to support yourself" skills.
At some point it will be worth having a talk with him to explain why he gets so explosive and show how the activities have helped him come down from that stage. This will start to educate him in self management of his symptoms in future.
Just some ideas around this one facet of his autism - think if any can work for you.
How about you though?
Do you have effective ways to manage the stress from all this? Parents are often overlooked in terms of help where the little monsters are concerned.
