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Relationships

NicMun

Hello 

I have recently started seeing someone. I knew him about 11 years ago and back then his behaviour seemed a bit unusual for his age, things didn't last long then but this time around they are. However, I am still recognising some behaviours which I feel would suggest mild autism. 

I wonder if anyone has any advice on this? I would still like things to develop, I believe we do have quite strong feelings for each other. We have been very open and honest with each other from the start, but I am not sure if it would be too soon to try and bring this into conversation. 

Thank you in advance. 

  • There are a couple of books by Rudy Simone which could provide some insight and suggestions (details at the end if this reply).

    By the way, these days, I probably wouldn't talk about "mild Autism" or "Asperger's" to someone unless they had used the phrase / term first themselves. 

    Precise language choice can be a sensitive subject to some neurodivergent people - so it is always best to listen out for their language preferences and then try to follow their language lead and expressions of their identity.

    Similar guidance applies to language and matters around gender and sexuality - as you may find that a neurodivergent or Autistic person / community holds "traditional" and / or a more fluid, inclusive or neutral outlooks and identities around sexuality and gender. 

    We are a diverse community of individuals encompassing a broad range of positives, challenges and support needs / reasonable adjustments.  One thing we are unlikely to be - boreing - our uniqueness can often be our hallmark.

    Whether or not a more developed conversation with your potential partner is "too soon" is difficult for us to judge remotely.  What I would mention is that sometimes an Autistic person's "love language" cues can be slightly different to both the wider population and that of the stereotypical portrayal of Autism on TV or in a movie.

    This video explores Autistic expressions of affection:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCH6IomDQi0

    Here is one of our community discussion threads (from a couple of years ago) where we explored our experiences of love language:

     Neurodivergent Love Languages 

    Here is a little infographic which summarises love language quite neatly (which might help you to learn to recognise our love language - as it often stems from a place of expressing a deep trust in someone - as opposed to necessarily overtly trying to impress someone or complying with commercialised societal benchmarks):

    www.facebook.com/.../

    Two books by Rudy Simone:

    22 Things a Woman Must Know if She loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2009)

    ISBN 978-1-84905-803-2


    22 Things A Woman with Asperger's Wants her Partner to Know (Jessica Kingsley Publisher, 2012)

    ISBN 978-1-84905-883-4

  • Hey there,

    I hope that this message finds you well! I am autistic myself.  The biggest piece of advice is to do what feels right to you! Think about what you would want in that situation and how/if you would want that conversation to go. If you do think you wish to talk about it find a comfortable setting when you both feel relaxed and calm.