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Mum of 21 yr old autistic son seeking help!

Wen123

Hi everyone. I’ve raised my son alone - formally diagnosed with autism  aged 15 however should have been aged 10 of school had listened. So fought long hard battle for EHCP which was given. He left school with nothing - but thanks to EHCP attended a college who immediately put the right support in and amazingly he’s achieved some GCSEs and a level 2 and level 3 diploma in personal training. He has found a gym he wants to work at and has applied twice. This second time they said they really like him but would potentially just start him one shift per week (he has openly disclosed his anxiety, fear of public transport, difficulty in interpreting social cues. 
he’s not worked since he left college and it’s affected him mentally - been over eating and staying in bed for long periods.The one shift per week in the ONLY environment he feels comfortable working and engaging with team mates to me is a golden opportunity.

my family are heavily criticising this move as I am a single parent and they feel he should be earning a full time wage immediately to contribute to the household. My sister suggests he takes 2 jobs as one day is not enough. I work full time and felt it more appropriately given the debilitating nature of autism, the visible effects from his anxiety (severe eczema facial flares) that this is a positive and exciting step forwards. The gym did say they would increase shifts once they saw her felt happy. He has now passed his driving test. He is on a good path. I feel my family have absolutely no clue what’s it’s taken (from both of us) to get him to this stage and I am currently off work with stress (first time ever in 21 years).

I would so love to hear others opinions who may have experienced similar? Many thanks and lots of love x

  • in reply to Autismman

    Thankyou so much for your kind words. Can’t begin to tell you what a comfort it wàs to read this tonight. It’s a difficult road isn’t it? I thought it would get easier with advancing years… I was wrong. Thankyou for your thoughtful response xx

  • Unless you’ve lived it you will have no clue. Some family unfortunately haven’t had the full autism experience either through choice or just not bothering to educate themselves enough to understand it better. The toll it takes on parents is beyond words, you and your son have done amazing and you need to hear that. Having kids myself on the spectrum it’s no easy ride and there’s a roller coaster of emotions all round but you’ve done an incredible job by the sounds of it. 

  • I think it is a good idea. Start with something manageable and build confidence. Confidence is the key to overcoming most challenges.

    Once the fear of newness goes and it has gone well a few times, doing things becomes less scary. This allows room to add more new things. Today's routine was something scary once.

    The trick is not to push too hard or lose confidence.

    It seems ideal and getting out will hopefully show quick results for his mental state.

    It is a good opportunity and the hours could expand fairly quickly.

    Good luck.

  • Congratulations to your son for getting the job. It's a big step and he sounds like he's doing really well. You should also be really proud of yourself for supporting him in getting this far. Your "heavily criticising" family are just plain wrong. Your son and you know what's best. Stick to your plan. Your son will settle in and maybe—just maybe—pick up another shift or two when he feels he is ready for it.

    My daughter (who insists she's not Autistic, but I can clearly see all the signs) got her first job this summer doing some admin work in a hospital. She was rostered for a five-day week, but has now negotiated a four-day week, taking Wednesdays off. She needs that time to recharge her social batteries, I'm guessing. While she'll be down some money, I think she knows herself quite well and knows what's best for her mental well-being and we put no pressure on her to stick to five days. I'm very heartened to see her advocate for herself so naturally. Your son probably knows himself, too, and knows what he can and cannot handle right now. Listen to him, not your family.

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thankyou so so much for your kind and thoughtful response. That is exactly what I believe but am starting to lack the strength to fight his corner when no one else close to us understands his struggles - he looks like a fit and able bodied young man. His internal struggles are vast, complex and only shared with me. Thankyou so much for taking the time to respond in such a lovely and caring manner. Xx

  • Hi and welcome to the community! Slight smile

    Whilst I don’t have direct experience of this, I agree with you that this sounds like a great opportunity and a very positive step for your son.

    Not only is it obviously great that he has found a work environment that he feels comfortable in (which is something that many autistic people can only dream of), I also think it’s a very good thing that his employer has taken the approach of offering him a gentle and phased introduction to his role.

    Trying to add a second job - or switching to a different, full-time job - would bring a host of extra challenges that might easily do much more harm than good. Even “just” trying to add a second, one-day job a week could have a negative impact on his performance in the role that he already knows that he enjoys.

    Personally, I’d be inclined to continue with the current plan and see how he gets on. I wish him - and you - all the best x