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Newbie and need to offload

Marshmallow

Hi all, 

im new to this as have had no luck elsewhere, I'm 29 and mum to 3 year old girl and 8 (9 in 2 days) boy. My boy has a statement and has been diagnosed with ADHD and aspergers. He's a very intelligent boy and above average. He struggles with his anger and will lash out at anyone or anything in his path. He has been expelled from 3 schools due to his anger. And is currently doing well at his School, well was until recently. He is on medication which he only has for school as it suppresses his appetite so the weekends I tend to feed him up. I'm struggling with him as he is becoming more angry and has said on numerous occaisions he wants to die. Me and his dad split last year and it wasnt amicable, his dad is very bitter and has told my boy things a child doesn't need to hear. So I constantly get this abuse thrown in my face. Not sure what elsee to say or do. I Don't have anyone to talk to as they don't understand and actually make me angry when they try to diagnose what's going on. just need to offload and ask for help x

Parents

  • Hi marshmallow

    Does your ex have aspergers?  Whenever I hear a parent, usually the mother,  speaking of a bitter break up that has little chance of healing because one parent becomes vindictive, I wonder if aspergers is the culprit.

    Over the years I have encountered many mothers who have found dealing with their ex's incredibly difficult because you cannot negotiate, everything is non negotiable and they become extremely angry if their needs are not met.

    With your ex telling your child things he should not, this may stem from him wishing to hurt you and he may genuinely not realise how this is hurting your son.  Aspies can have a hard time seeing things from another perspective and any attempt on your part to tell him what he is doing is wrong will be met with aggression, because he cannot take criticism.  As a mother it is a hard place to be and sadly rarely gets easier, unless he loses interest in you and your son and moves on with a new interest.

    My advice is to always take the high road and try to teach your son that everyone has their own perspective, but that doesn't make it right.  Try to keep your home a calm stress free environment.  He will thank you for it in years to come.

Reply

  • Hi marshmallow

    Does your ex have aspergers?  Whenever I hear a parent, usually the mother,  speaking of a bitter break up that has little chance of healing because one parent becomes vindictive, I wonder if aspergers is the culprit.

    Over the years I have encountered many mothers who have found dealing with their ex's incredibly difficult because you cannot negotiate, everything is non negotiable and they become extremely angry if their needs are not met.

    With your ex telling your child things he should not, this may stem from him wishing to hurt you and he may genuinely not realise how this is hurting your son.  Aspies can have a hard time seeing things from another perspective and any attempt on your part to tell him what he is doing is wrong will be met with aggression, because he cannot take criticism.  As a mother it is a hard place to be and sadly rarely gets easier, unless he loses interest in you and your son and moves on with a new interest.

    My advice is to always take the high road and try to teach your son that everyone has their own perspective, but that doesn't make it right.  Try to keep your home a calm stress free environment.  He will thank you for it in years to come.

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