So I was diagnosed with Autism yesterday at the age of 32. I was expecting so much emotion when she'd said "you're autistic" but instead I felt numb. I still haven't processed it properly, I can feel a big cry and breakdown impending - probably once I've processed it. However I cant stop feeling guilty for my kids sake. I have 4 kids who are all on/possibly on the spectrum. I feel immense guilt that my genetics have caused them great amounts of bullying, struggles and challenges - to the point Im home schooling my 11 and 12 year old because they cant manage mainstream school. I just feel awful. Then my 3rd daughter hugely struggles also and I cant help but feel to blame. I know people are going to say its not your fault, you didn't know etc but instead I'm hoping for some advice on how to process this part of my diagnosis? Or anyone that feels the same way?
I've also had a hugely different mindset on my relationship. And I can't help but think I'm only with my husband mainly for convenience and comfort. I do love him dearly, but I feel like its more on a friendship level. Deep down I've always felt attracted to females and so there's that swinging round in the back of my mind the past few months also.
Then there's the fact I have no friends. There is no local autism groups near me, I'm not on social media, how am I to try making a friend? I feel so lonely.
