Hello future friends,
I'm here because despite having a satisfying family and social life (to date), I'm surrounded by NTs and completely alone in my autism journey.
I'm a few weeks into realising I'm autistic and will have a diagnosis in about a month. Since I've realised I'm autistic and started the "coming out" process, I've had waves of relief, aha moments, upset, feelings I can't name, confusion, meltdowns, shutdowns and just generally all over the place.
I had all the signs - very few close long term friends, relying on my husband's social life, book smarts, landing good jobs that then lasted only a year, meltdowns and shutdowns, social awkwardness ("she's so quirky"), weird sensitivities, burnout from having young children. My psychiatrist suggested I had autism, I didn't really think much about it, until I saw a TikTok, and it all started making sense. I then listened to the Devon Price audiobook which - despite being left leaning and gender queer - really resonated with me. But now the aha moments are over, and I'm waiting for the diagnosis / management plan that will probably take weeks to fall into place.
Here are my questions:
1) The journey: How did other late diagnosed / middle-aged people react to realising they are autistic? How long does it take to feel yourself again, or re-orient to the new reality?
2) Unmasking: How have late diagnosed / middle-aged people unmasked to their partners, kids, friends, at work? I can't really get my head around what unmasking entails. The Devon Price book suggests being as unapologetically weird as you want, but I can't, I've hidden so much for so long, the thought of doing my weird things even in front of my husband or close friends makes me die on the inside. I do my weird things in front of my kids but they are very young and I will probably stop once they start noticing. Can anyone else relate to this and if so, how do you move forwards from here?
3) "Out of body" experiences: Does anyone else have these glitches or fleeting sensations where, you're at a pub or a shop, or even alone in your back garden, and suddenly you feel like you're performing in a play, or being observed, but by noone in particular. And sometimes everyone else around you is a part of that play also, sometimes its like you're performing for them. Since I've realised this is an autism thing, I've begun pointing out to my husband whenever it happens, and, to be sure, he does not share this experience. Does this happen to you? Do you know why? Does this go away with unmasking?
4) Kids: I suspect my 2 year old is a bit like me. It may be a while yet before a diagnosis. In the meantime, what would your advice be on doing the best thing for my child, even without having a diagnosis?
Would love to hear from your experiences
x
