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Hello, I'm new and I don't know what to write here.

Haela

Hello. My "name" is Haela. I am 28, 29 in a few days. I have not been formally diagnosed with Aspergers however I have struggled with communicating with people for as long as I can remember and have ruined relationships through my inability to understand how to conduct myself towards people, deal with change even on a small level and react to loud noises such as shouting in arguments very very badly. I am ashamed to admit that it has at times made me curl up in a ball on the floor covering my ears crying. Or running off to vomit because of the stress. Which understandably means the relationships end because I seem like a crazy lady. I don't feel crazy on the inside though. I know this is not normal and I really have been trying not to react that way. I have been doing some reading and seem to tick pretty much all the boxes for aspergers even down to the inability to tolerate electrical noises and certain types of electronic music being painful in my ears on the high notes. It was a bit of a revelation that other people seem to have similar problems.

I want to be normal. I want to have good relationships with people. I don't really have any friends and the ones I do have I don't know if when they say I can talk to them it's just being nice and polite or if it's just something people say.

This is part of my search of learning how to be human because I feel like everyone else just works "differently" and I want to be involved. I am so alone as I am an ex foster child so I have no family to turn to.

Please can I have some advice?

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I hope your visit to the GP goes well. It may help to write down, beforehand, a list of things that you think may be explained by Aspergers. It can be difficult to remember everything you want to tell the GP when you meet. I took in a list and the GP was very happy for me to use it and she ended up taking a copy to help her write the referral letter.

    Don't worry about splurging too much detail in your first post - etiquette can be a mystery to an Aspie. I think that there was enough detail there to properly explain where you are at.

  • Thankyou for taking time out of your day to reply. I will have a look for that book. It makes me feel a bit better to know that I may not be completely crazy or mad. It means a lot to me that someone replied because I have a bit of a fear of talking to people about important things now, especially things that make me feel vulnerable as it always seems to go so wrong. This has helped very much with that.

    I am sorry to hear things have been hard for you too, however I am glad that things improved, this too gives  me a bit of hope. I will make an appointment to see my GP on monday and see if they will refer me to somebody. This is the first time in years I have felt  like I might not be crazy and there may be some hope so thankyou so much.

    I am sorry my first post here was very personal, I probably should have saved details for later. I'm not very good at ettiquette at times. Especially in times of upset.

    I will go and look up that book, thankyou.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Wow, your story sounds ever so familiar! Having just gone through diagnosis myself at 56 I would like to offer some comfort. I self diagnosed to begin with and then had another confrontation and bust up so went to my GP with my story of a life of confontation and misunderstandings and asked if a diagnosis would be possible. GP referred me to a specialist and he immediately confirmed the diagnosis. The relief I have felt since then is AMAZING! Suddenly a thousand incidents in my life make sense, suddenly I know what I need to learn in order to fit in better.

    On a practical note I can recommend a book that I have been reading - "Living Well on the Spectrum" by Hilary Gaus. It has practical techniques and things to do to make life work for you. Other books are available and it may not suit you best but it's probably worth a look?

    I feel tremendously positive with my new diagnosis. Everyone that I have told has been supportive. Many people immediately say that they know someone with it in their family or in their group of friends. Other people don't know anything but are often intrigued - it isn't seen as a scary thing to most people.

    You may find that getting a specialist referral takes time - it may be worth speaking to someone at NAS for advice with this. The Autism act is supposed to make this straightforward but it doesn't work very well in practice yet.