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skyred

Hi Everyone!

I'm a single-parent mum, 44, to a 12 year old girl. We have, as a family, always found her 'tempremental' and 'awkward' as a younger child. She is super intelligent and very forward at expressing her views. By the way, I suspect my Dad has Aspergers although he has never been diagnosed. I left my marriage, as my husband was abusive towards me, when she was four and have struggled over the split and managing on my own. I initially thought that some of her difficult to manage behaviour was as a result of this. We've moved houses five times since.

Last September she started high school  - i knew she would find the transition difficult and did my best to help her, however, i did not realise how difficult it could be. She started with panic attacks and fainting, showing extreme anxiety in assemblies with lots of pupils, and her behaviour at home became very confrontational. She has a referral now to Camhs and they have raised the possibility of high-functioning autism? I have been reading up on this and a lot seems to fit. I just wondered if anyone has teenagers with this condition or has received a diagnoses with an older child? At the moment i'm feeling very scared and unsure and even guilty... I would love to hear some reassurances? Thanks for reading this!

  • Hi there,  My daughter is 16 and has just been diagnosed with Autism (aspergers).  Too be very honest my daughter wanted out of school as quick as she went into it.  She left School with passing her exams although not with great results, but she passed. She is only now really starting to struggle with life due to being in college and with all the pressures that comes with that.  I usually need to sit down and help organise her homework with her to help ease the stress a bit. But to be quite honest we have been muddling through for the last few years especially.   On the other hand with the diagnosis we have the 'it explains a lot' attitude towards it.  All you can do is to try work out what will help her deal with her stressful situations and have a word with her guidance/ pastoral care teacher and he/she might be able to help you both out. 

    All the best

  • Hi

    Many thanks for your post, I feel much better after hearing from someone who 'gets me' lol. I can be a bit of a worrier at the best of times. My daughter had her second appointment with Camhs this afternoon...I was nervous for her (but working hard not to show it!). She will be getting some support for social anxiety, but as its still unfamiliar, getting her there takes a tremendous amount of encouragement on my part and bravery on hers. However, good news...all went well and from that we will be given a referral to speech and language. Its early days, of course, but I am feeling a bit more secure now, especially since finding this site. It's great to know that you can go through similar and emerge on the other side, you have been a great help - Thanks for taking the time to reply, it means a lot.

    Kindest regards Smile

  • Hi there recombinantsocks

    thanks for your advice, I will get the book you suggested! I'm so glad that things are making more sense to you now and that you seem to be optimistic and looking for ways to deal more effectively with things. I hope things continue to go well or get even better for you.

    Best wishes Smile

  • Hi Skyred,

       I do understand what you are saying. When confronted by both teenage angst and ASD, the mix can be greatly amplified. Sometimes it also makes it difficult to separate such behavior which adds to the problems experienced by families with a member who potentially has ASD.

    Sometimes people can be dismissive. Yes, their is information out there, but accessing it for most of us is often difficult. I struggle immensly. People are frequently signposted and are often directed in circles. If you are anything like me, you need specific information to guide you.

    Family links with ASD are often recognised as contributing factors genetically, so it maybe a factor in your family and what you describe about guilt is also common amongst parents. Personally, I was in denial for some time when my children were diagnosed and then plagued with guilt afterwards, when i realized the significance, that most on my parental and sibling side of the family displayed symptoms. It should have been obvious really, but the reality failed to dawn on me for some reason. It's a process of sorts; that most of us go through, similar to grieving in some respects. Before we reach acceptance and look at strategies to manage our childrens difficulties, we often go through the process.

    The condition itself is indeed very personal to the sufferer also. No child presents in exactly the same way it seems.

    Don't feel guily about being a single parent. Better to manage alone as I did, than be a part of an abusive relationship that complicates an already challenging situation. A lesson it took me far too long to realize.

    I knew little of the condition before my sons were diagnosed. Merely reported what I saw, but if she subsequently recieves a diagnosis she will need tailored support. Hopefully, diagnosis, or clarity at least, will bring forward some support for you.

    Kind Regards

    Coogybear.xx

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    There is an awful lot of material out there to help explain to you and your daughter how autism works and how you can learn how to successfully deal with it. I'm reading Living Well on the Spectrum by Valerie Gaus which gives lots of practical advice that can help in a variety of situations.

    I've just been diagnosed and the world is suddenly making more sense to me.

    :-)