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fathers day

NAS91753

Hi,  I'm having a really difficult time, my son and family are around for fathers day, but I am screaming in my head and can't cope with the interaction, I so wont to be happy with them, but can't.. all I can do is walk away.. any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated.

  • I did not see your post yesterday.  My hope for you is that, today, you might have the opportunity to recover for a while from yesterday's overstimulation by your visitors.

    In similar circumstances, I find I need to time-limit social / relative interactions. 

    I can no longer endure vague multi-hour events - so I try to arrange a "flying visit" to them (chat over coffee, or only lunch shared). 

    If people visit me at home I use a written invitation with a time guideline / management of expectation. 

    These days, when arranging more impromptu visits (to me, or to them), I have introduced to relatives the confirmation agreement phrase e.g. "not before 10:00 am".  This enables me to safely operate my morning routine without fear of unwarranted / dis-regulating interruption, plus, it telegraphs / reinforces my boundary on this topic.

    If the weather permits visiting outdoors - I find that helps me experience the peopling as more manageable.

    If, indoors, it all gets too hubbub / exuberant / shrill ...it is time to deploy ear plugs.

    When planning a visit (to me / to them) I try to assemble one or two things reflecting my recent interests - to share with them - it is participation on my terms for a few minutes at least - maybe photos of somewhere visited / a book enjoyed / an article about a future development / something I have made / something supporting one of my particular interests or of a common denominator interest.

    If the visit is at another relatives house, I try to build in a movement break (ideally solo, or maybe in the company of just one other person).  Perhaps: a short walk to a local shop or post box on an errand, view something in bloom in their garden, or join them on a walk with their dog.

    In case a movement break does not seem likely, to at least pulse or focus the chatter, I might have prepared a boardgame to share, or I might take with me something art / craft style as the socially acceptable form of fidget items / stimming (unfortunately, my remaining relatives are not neurodivergent-friendly).

    These days, I also do find that the rule needs to be: if I find that I am not up for socialising - it needs to be with either rescheduled, or the event continues in my absence.

  • I felt the same way, today, and I'm on my ownio. Societal pressure.

    I got a small heart-shaped stone memorial, for the family grave, on Friday. That was my Father's Day commitment. Must, also, get to talk to my Landscaper to clean the stones, and kill the weeds, in time for the Cemetery Mass, here, on Saturday 28th.

    At least I don't face the wrath of gossip, in the centre of my village. The women in my life were constantly paranoid over people 'talking about you'.