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Recently diagnosed and struggling

AlpineS

I'm new here. I was diagnosed autistic & ADHD earlier this year. It’s something I’ve suspected for years but it took a long time to navigate actually being assessed. 

I really thought the diagnosis would bring relief, clarity and validation. I think I expected to feel seen but instead I just feel lost. I guess I’m still processing it all. It's a complete shift in how I see myself and my past and in how I'm going to live my future and that's a lot to deal with. It’s brought up a lot of grief.

I wasn't offered any meaningful support afterwards so i suppose I just feel very alone in navigating it all. The people in my life don’t seem to understand how life changing this diagnosis is for me so I can't really talk to them much about it.  And when I reached out to my doctor I was basically told to either pay for private therapy or try making friends with other autistic people. So I don't really feel like I've had any guidance or resources. I've just been left to somehow figure it out on my own. 

I’m struggling with loneliness. I don’t know how to make friends in a way that feels real and sustainable. Some days I can barely get out of bed. I can’t work right now. I feel overwhelmed by everything. I'm anxious that I'll never find the support or stability I need to build a life where I can function and connect with others.

I'm nearing 30 now and I see all my peers settling into careers and having solid supportive friendship circles. I thought by this age I’d have it a little more figured out but instead I feel stuck and like everyone is moving too fast for me to keep up. 

I guess that’s why I’m here. I’m looking for reassurance that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I want to find a sense of community and somewhere to be honest about this journey as I try to unmask and figure out how to exist in the world as I am.

I know this is a bit rambly, but if anyone has any advice or can resonate in any way it'd be great to hear from you. 

Parents

  • Hello,

    I completely resonate with you, I was diagnosed in April with Autism, I'm 32 and although I obviously suspected it, it still came as somewhat of a shock. I am still processing it and slowly starting to tell more people but it's difficult because not only does it change the way I see myself, I'm worried it will change how other people will see me and change how they treat me. 

    I don't have many friends, I would say I probably have two that I see in person, besides that I socialize with my partner's friends and that is difficult for me and causes anxiety.

    Do you have any interests or hobbies that might help you socialize? I go to a monthly book club, I don't really engage in any social chit chat but I like to discuss the books and I have my suspicions that book clubs attract people on the spectrum so I largely feel like I can be myself.

    I've also self referred to the NHS talking therapies service. There is no reason why you should have to pay for the private therapy (in the UK). If you're feeling low, anxious, lonely then then talking therapies should be made available to you and I would advise having that discussion with your doctor or self referring if that is possible in your area. 

    Just know that you're not alone!

Reply

  • Hello,

    I completely resonate with you, I was diagnosed in April with Autism, I'm 32 and although I obviously suspected it, it still came as somewhat of a shock. I am still processing it and slowly starting to tell more people but it's difficult because not only does it change the way I see myself, I'm worried it will change how other people will see me and change how they treat me. 

    I don't have many friends, I would say I probably have two that I see in person, besides that I socialize with my partner's friends and that is difficult for me and causes anxiety.

    Do you have any interests or hobbies that might help you socialize? I go to a monthly book club, I don't really engage in any social chit chat but I like to discuss the books and I have my suspicions that book clubs attract people on the spectrum so I largely feel like I can be myself.

    I've also self referred to the NHS talking therapies service. There is no reason why you should have to pay for the private therapy (in the UK). If you're feeling low, anxious, lonely then then talking therapies should be made available to you and I would advise having that discussion with your doctor or self referring if that is possible in your area. 

    Just know that you're not alone!

Children
  • in reply to illustrated.lady

    Thank you for your response. It's really reassuring to know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling.

    I completely relate with worrying about it changing how people will see/treat you. That's something I'm really trying to work through.

    I do have creative interests/hobbies and I keep meaning to join clubs but can never seem to push past the barrier of starting something new especially when socialising is involved. That and the fact that people watching me do things stresses me out. But like you I do think interest related socialising feels like it'd be a good way to approach things if I can build up the confidence. 

    I have self reffered to the NHS talking therapies on a few occasions but I didn't find the support they offered helpful to me. My doctor and I did discuss that but he ultimately said that those services aren't set up to manage complex trauma and neurdivergent needs so private therapy is really my only option if I want something specialised. I guess I was just suprised at the complete lack of free specialised support for autistic adults