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Telling teenage children about your late ASD diagnosis

Colabottle

Hello, I'm a newly diagnosed 55 year old woman with ASD and ADD. I'm still processing the diagnosis, which came as welcome shock after a lifetime of feeling different and all the psychological distress and exhaustion of years of masking. I'm cautious but feeling optimistic and curious about how this last piece of the puzzle will finally enable me to understand and accept myself.

I have hidden myself for so long that I want those closest to me to know about my diagnosis. This will be a very small group for now, but most importantly includes my two teenage children. But I'm worried about how this might impact them. Will they be shaken by thinking I'm not who they thought I was, or feel ashamed of me, or worried? Am I being selfish by wanting to share this with them?

I am struggling to find any advice on this so hoping that this community might be able to share some helpful advice and experiences. Thank you Slight smile

Parents

  • I got diagnosed last year age 50, my son is 14.

    I'm lucky enough to have a gifted child. He got it straight away, and surprised me about how much he knew and understood about autism already. He used to love watching the big bang theory and we used to make jokes about how much I was like Sheldon Cooper, so it wasn't exactly a surprise for him. 

    Kids are amazing, I don't think you should worry about telling your kids about you. They'll appreciate the honesty, and you'll be able to openly discuss certain things, talk to them about ableism, that sort of thing.

    Watch out for the term "acoustic". Teens have been throwing that around and at each other as an insult: "What's your problem, are you acoustic or something?" We know what they mean by that, autistic is the new 'tard, and they use a similar sounding world to avoid being told off. It's disingenuous, really. But it's a great dinner time conversation topic.

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  • I got diagnosed last year age 50, my son is 14.

    I'm lucky enough to have a gifted child. He got it straight away, and surprised me about how much he knew and understood about autism already. He used to love watching the big bang theory and we used to make jokes about how much I was like Sheldon Cooper, so it wasn't exactly a surprise for him. 

    Kids are amazing, I don't think you should worry about telling your kids about you. They'll appreciate the honesty, and you'll be able to openly discuss certain things, talk to them about ableism, that sort of thing.

    Watch out for the term "acoustic". Teens have been throwing that around and at each other as an insult: "What's your problem, are you acoustic or something?" We know what they mean by that, autistic is the new 'tard, and they use a similar sounding world to avoid being told off. It's disingenuous, really. But it's a great dinner time conversation topic.

Children
  • in reply to aeldron

    Thank you, my youngest is 14 and possibly ND so he's probably the one I'm most concerned about, I suppose in terms of him becoming a target at school.  I'd forgotten about the "acoustic" stuff doing the rounds in that age group, good to be aware of that. I might start a casual conversation about that at some point. Both my kids are very inclusive so I'm not worried about their attitudes, more those of others. Thank you, this all helps me think about how to have the conversation with my children that is most supportive to them.