Telling teenage children about your late ASD diagnosis

Thank you for sharing so openly — your honesty, reflection, and courage in the face of such a profound personal shift are incredibly moving.

First, no, you are absolutely not selfish for wanting to share your diagnosis with your children. In fact, many people find that being open about their neurodivergence creates stronger, more authentic relationships — especially with close family. You’ve spent a lifetime navigating the world while masking and feeling different, and now that you have this clarity, it’s natural (and healthy) to want to integrate that truth into your life and relationships.

Your children may need time to process, and that’s okay. But what they will likely see — especially if this is shared with calm, age-appropriate honesty — is a parent who is brave enough to be vulnerable, who is learning about herself, and who is choosing self-understanding over silence. That’s powerful.

You might say something like:

“I recently learned something important about myself — I’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. This doesn’t change who I am or how much I love you. It just gives me a clearer picture of why I’ve always felt and done things a little differently. It’s helping me understand myself better, and that will help me be an even better parent to you.”

Framing it as a journey of self-discovery rather than a deficit can help your children see this as a positive, meaningful development — not something to fear. And it may even encourage them to reflect on their own experiences with more openness and compassion.

Also, many adults report that sharing their diagnosis with children can actually reduce tension at home — things that once felt confusing or frustrating make more sense when there’s a shared understanding.

You’ve already done so much of the hard work by reaching this point. You’re not alone, and this is just the beginning of something freer and more real. You deserve that.

Thank you for sharing so openly — your honesty, reflection, and courage in the face of such a profound personal shift are incredibly moving.

First, no, you are absolutely not selfish for wanting to share your diagnosis with your children. In fact, many people find that being open about their neurodivergence creates stronger, more authentic relationships — especially with close family. You’ve spent a lifetime navigating the world while masking and feeling different, and now that you have this clarity, it’s natural (and healthy) to want to integrate that truth into your life and relationships.

Your children may need time to process, and that’s okay. But what they will likely see — especially if this is shared with calm, age-appropriate honesty — is a parent who is brave enough to be vulnerable, who is learning about herself, and who is choosing self-understanding over silence. That’s powerful.

You might say something like:

“I recently learned something important about myself — I’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. This doesn’t change who I am or how much I love you. It just gives me a clearer picture of why I’ve always felt and done things a little differently. It’s helping me understand myself better, and that will help me be an even better parent to you.”

Framing it as a journey of self-discovery rather than a deficit can help your children see this as a positive, meaningful development — not something to fear. And it may even encourage them to reflect on their own experiences with more openness and compassion.

Also, many adults report that sharing their diagnosis with children can actually reduce tension at home — things that once felt confusing or frustrating make more sense when there’s a shared understanding.

You’ve already done so much of the hard work by reaching this point. You’re not alone, and this is just the beginning of something freer and more real. You deserve that.

Thank you, this reply is really helpful, and to hear all the experiences from others too is so useful. I'll take it all on board, thank you