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Telling teenage children about your late ASD diagnosis

Colabottle

Hello, I'm a newly diagnosed 55 year old woman with ASD and ADD. I'm still processing the diagnosis, which came as welcome shock after a lifetime of feeling different and all the psychological distress and exhaustion of years of masking. I'm cautious but feeling optimistic and curious about how this last piece of the puzzle will finally enable me to understand and accept myself.

I have hidden myself for so long that I want those closest to me to know about my diagnosis. This will be a very small group for now, but most importantly includes my two teenage children. But I'm worried about how this might impact them. Will they be shaken by thinking I'm not who they thought I was, or feel ashamed of me, or worried? Am I being selfish by wanting to share this with them?

I am struggling to find any advice on this so hoping that this community might be able to share some helpful advice and experiences. Thank you Slight smile

Parents

  • My kids know - oddly have only told one parent and not my sister (as both have enough on their plate at the mo).  I'm fairly similar age to you and diagnosed start of this year.  

    One of my kids was diagnosed ND 10 years ago, not ASD, now at the end of the teenage years.  Other is early 20s and following my diagnosis is now also considering assessment for ASD , once Uni final exams out of the way in a few weeks. 

    Teenage years although just 7 years - their maturity can change a lot in that period so may depend on their age  ?

    Is either ND ? or as far you know both NT, have you ever considered they could be ASD/ND themselves ?

    You're not being selfish, they shouldn't be ashamed you are their mum and the same mum they know.  Yes understand that you may want to be more open about some of your struggles going forwards, but that isn't a negative, maybe it helps create more openness for all of you.

    Those I have disclosed to, have been asked not to tell anyone, as I have done limited disclosure to date: its largely private and I don't feel obliged to make it public.

    I guess you need to tell them both at the same time, so perhaps just pick a good time, and perhaps have some links/resource to hand or you can msg them, and hopefully answer any questions they may have

Reply

  • My kids know - oddly have only told one parent and not my sister (as both have enough on their plate at the mo).  I'm fairly similar age to you and diagnosed start of this year.  

    One of my kids was diagnosed ND 10 years ago, not ASD, now at the end of the teenage years.  Other is early 20s and following my diagnosis is now also considering assessment for ASD , once Uni final exams out of the way in a few weeks. 

    Teenage years although just 7 years - their maturity can change a lot in that period so may depend on their age  ?

    Is either ND ? or as far you know both NT, have you ever considered they could be ASD/ND themselves ?

    You're not being selfish, they shouldn't be ashamed you are their mum and the same mum they know.  Yes understand that you may want to be more open about some of your struggles going forwards, but that isn't a negative, maybe it helps create more openness for all of you.

    Those I have disclosed to, have been asked not to tell anyone, as I have done limited disclosure to date: its largely private and I don't feel obliged to make it public.

    I guess you need to tell them both at the same time, so perhaps just pick a good time, and perhaps have some links/resource to hand or you can msg them, and hopefully answer any questions they may have

Children
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