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Weight lifted!

Twinkle74

Hello there.  This website has lifted a huge weight which I have been living with for the last 5 years.  I am the girlfriend of a highly intelligent, funny, silly, hard working man (41).  Last year Simon said to me that he had seen some information on Aspergers and said that "It was him".  I had never really known about it before, and we never really discussed it.  It wasn't until recently that after yet another huge fall out about his lack of empathy/rudeness etc that he posted a newspaper artical through my door.  It was written by the partner of an adult male who had undiagnosed aspergers.  Suddenly everything made sense!!  It described my boyfriend exactly.  We have had so many fall outs over the years, and now I understand what has been happening.  I have been in touch with a cousellor who specialises in Autism and Aspergers, and after thinking about it/worrying about it for a week or two, I am hoping he is finally going to speak to her this evening. 

Is there any help?  Can he learn new behaviours (eg. to give me a cuddle/realise I am upset etc)?  

I love Simon dearly and would love nothing better than to have a family together.  Is there hope?

Thanks for reading. Smile 

Parents

  • Hi there.  Thank you for your reply. Smile

    We have only just realised Simon has Aspergers, so on realising this, I understand there is nothing wrong with his behaviour.  He is a very sweet guy, but I thought he was just behaving badly towards me.  There are too many things he has done to upset to write, but a few examples are that we sadly had quite a bad miscarriage a few years ago, and when we got back from hospital and I was in agony after an operation and feeling very emotional, Simon just ignored me and painted his fence, rather that help me up the stairs or even make a cup of tea.  When there have been important anniversaries (eg the first years anniversary of my dad's death), Simon promised to spend the weekend with me and went out with the boys instead and didn't let me know.  He thinks nothing of promising to do something with me and then not answering the phone and just going off himself...which I found frustrating and he couldn't understand my upset.  NOW I understand!  I do however miss hugs or any intimacy between us, which used to happen in our first year of meeting.  I have now come to the realisation that I was a 'new hobby' for him and that it has worn off - although I know he still loves me desperately and doesn't want us to split up.

    We don't spend much time together any more as he is busy with various hobbies and we have been constantly arguing over me feeling his love for me has disappeared.  On reading various pieces on Aspergers, I realise he will be struggling to take on board my upset.  After reading your reply, I understand that I have to ask him directly for what I want/need as he cannot second guess me.  You are quite right in pointing out that I have to change a hell of a lot too - which is fine.  So I have done that today, and as a result we are going out together for a meal this weekend and to talk - so thank you!!! Laughing

     

Reply

  • Hi there.  Thank you for your reply. Smile

    We have only just realised Simon has Aspergers, so on realising this, I understand there is nothing wrong with his behaviour.  He is a very sweet guy, but I thought he was just behaving badly towards me.  There are too many things he has done to upset to write, but a few examples are that we sadly had quite a bad miscarriage a few years ago, and when we got back from hospital and I was in agony after an operation and feeling very emotional, Simon just ignored me and painted his fence, rather that help me up the stairs or even make a cup of tea.  When there have been important anniversaries (eg the first years anniversary of my dad's death), Simon promised to spend the weekend with me and went out with the boys instead and didn't let me know.  He thinks nothing of promising to do something with me and then not answering the phone and just going off himself...which I found frustrating and he couldn't understand my upset.  NOW I understand!  I do however miss hugs or any intimacy between us, which used to happen in our first year of meeting.  I have now come to the realisation that I was a 'new hobby' for him and that it has worn off - although I know he still loves me desperately and doesn't want us to split up.

    We don't spend much time together any more as he is busy with various hobbies and we have been constantly arguing over me feeling his love for me has disappeared.  On reading various pieces on Aspergers, I realise he will be struggling to take on board my upset.  After reading your reply, I understand that I have to ask him directly for what I want/need as he cannot second guess me.  You are quite right in pointing out that I have to change a hell of a lot too - which is fine.  So I have done that today, and as a result we are going out together for a meal this weekend and to talk - so thank you!!! Laughing

     

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