Hi

Hi. All I can say is I feel exactly the same as you. You are not alone here. I have tried all my life to fit in as well, but now I'm realising that there are others, like yourself, out there who are feeling the same as me. I've tried various clubs and activities, but making friends for me has been extremely challenging due to autism.

I couldn't connect with youngsters my age. I tried joining various clubs, but it is similar to what you are going through. I mainly go out for walks, spend time with my loved ones and dog, watch TV occasionally. 

I'm always very weary of joining online groups on other websites due to safety. Feel free to share your experiences, or more about your hobbies in a reply to me. 

Just a thought for you: why not go out to like a park where there are people or centre? Just embrace nature. Or even say hello to people when out. They most likely feel the same as you. You never know.

August, you're never truly alone. As there's people like who are going through the same as you. Please take some comfort in knowing this. You have been very strong in posting this, as it's summed up everything I'm going through now.

I have some previous posts, where I have detailed my own struggles too. Feel free to check them out and comment on them, so you know you're never alone ok?

Fitting in doesn't sound much but it's so difficult. Just saying hi to somebody can feel like climbing the tallest mountain, but I try. Sometimes people reply, others don't and some people just nod or smile. Those days those people make me feel like a queen lol.

I wish it wasn't so hard interacting with people. I want to join a group or activity, one to do with wildlife would be fab but my anxiety usually puts a stop to it before I've even started.

It's good you go out for walks, do you go with your dog? I wish I had a dog. I would love one I bet they make the best friends and it's nice to have company when you are out. I go for walks sometimes but drive more often than not, mostly because where I live it's in the middle of nowhere and impossible to walk to town.

I have so many hobbies and interests but I always struggle when it comes explaining about them to others. Maybe because I have so many and I wouldn’t have enough time or words to express how much they mean to me.

I’m kind of hopeless with explaining things though and this doesn’t really help. Increasing social skills is on my To Do List and maybe then this will help me in future. In the meantime I’ll hang here and hope I can pick up some tips from others who are better at interactions than I am.

But back to my interests. I’m interested in wildlife and nature, both mean a lot to me and I like watching things and reading books to do with wildlife and nature. Growing up I loved watching the CBBC show Deadly 60 after school. I also enjoyed collecting wildlife books and encyclopaedias.

I also like

• Music
• Lego
• Gaming
• Writing
• Poetry
• Reading
• Dance
• Graphic design

and lots more!

Thanks! I feel less alone since writing my post this morning. It feels nice to be part of an online group that really does get it and understand.

I hope you find being part this community helpful too.

Thanks for being so welcoming.

Fitting in doesn't sound much but it's so difficult. Just saying hi to somebody can feel like climbing the tallest mountain, but I try. Sometimes people reply, others don't and some people just nod or smile. Those days those people make me feel like a queen lol.

I wish it wasn't so hard interacting with people. I want to join a group or activity, one to do with wildlife would be fab but my anxiety usually puts a stop to it before I've even started.

It's good you go out for walks, do you go with your dog? I wish I had a dog. I would love one I bet they make the best friends and it's nice to have company when you are out. I go for walks sometimes but drive more often than not, mostly because where I live it's in the middle of nowhere and impossible to walk to town.

I have so many hobbies and interests but I always struggle when it comes explaining about them to others. Maybe because I have so many and I wouldn’t have enough time or words to express how much they mean to me.

I’m kind of hopeless with explaining things though and this doesn’t really help. Increasing social skills is on my To Do List and maybe then this will help me in future. In the meantime I’ll hang here and hope I can pick up some tips from others who are better at interactions than I am.

But back to my interests. I’m interested in wildlife and nature, both mean a lot to me and I like watching things and reading books to do with wildlife and nature. Growing up I loved watching the CBBC show Deadly 60 after school. I also enjoyed collecting wildlife books and encyclopaedias.

I also like

• Music
• Lego
• Gaming
• Writing
• Poetry
• Reading
• Dance
• Graphic design

and lots more!

Thanks! I feel less alone since writing my post this morning. It feels nice to be part of an online group that really does get it and understand.

I hope you find being part this community helpful too.

Thanks for being so welcoming.

August said:

And I think you and I are of similar minds and thinking as well

Maybe.  Just a tiny bit 

They laugh at me when I choose to use the self-checkouts.  Thing is, I don't actually agree with them as it's less real jobs for real people...

But sometimes, I feel I really don't want to talk to anyone...   So there I am packing a whole trolley into quite a small space next to this till that weighs each item (and films me) and the supervisor walks up and says 'You know, you've far too much shopping for a self-checkout till, you need to use a regular till'

But I do love retro gaming, and Tetris was a big thing.  And I view it as a challenge to fit all these irregular shaped objects not only in the small space they provide next to the till, but in the shopping bags afterwards (without anything getting crushed). 

By the time I've completed this procedure there's normally three of them standing there watching me, and wondering how nothing has fallen on the floor.  

I don't know about OCD.  I do have some routines, but I'd call them important and necessary, and they serve a purpose (things go wrong if I don't do things the way I do them) so by my reckoning these are Autistic quirks rather than anything else.

I do like reading things that make me smile, and things that are familiar to me do indeed make me smile.  

I’m hoping I will interact with lots here who have the same or similar interests as I do. I’ve already met somebody here who likes the same sort of games I do and Lego too. Off to a great start!

And I think you and I are of similar minds and thinking as well

overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U ) said:

According to the figures as many as 2m in the UK could in theory be Autistic - with or without diagnosis - so perhaps there are more about than you know.  Perhaps some of those we know are Autistic and don't realise!

This crosses my mind regularly. Sometimes I’ll see somebody in the shop specifically organising stuff in their bags so frozen and veg in one bag and it’s all in this neat perfect order and I think, I wonder if they are just very organised or it’s like autism OCD where it has to be in order.

I’m like this with my own shopping and I saw a man before who organised his shopping in that exact same way and I thought then I wonder if he’s autistic, or like I was then waiting for a diagnosis.

It wouldn’t surprise me if my older brother is autistic. He has a lot of the traits.

I’m glad I found this site and decided to actually participate. It’s nice knowing there’s a whole community out here that ‘Gets It’. It’s a huge door opened when at the start of the year I was still unsure of my autism and felt completely alone.

You never know what you end up talking about on this site, or with who.  

Most people on this site are kind and welcoming, and if you stick around you'll likely find out you've got interests in common with many of them.  Of course, there are some that aggravate - just like any other part of life - but the trick is to not let those spoil the whole thing. 

It is nice to speak to people who are listening and not purely stressing or ranting - not that those coming here with stresses aren't important too. 

According to the figures as many as 2m in the UK could in theory be Autistic - with or without diagnosis - so perhaps there are more about than you know.  Perhaps some of those we know are Autistic and don't realise!

I suppose Autism - and all things related to it, is a bit of a special interest of mine, and you'll know what Autistic people are like when they get talking about things that interest them!

Not that I haven't got other things I'm interested in too, just that Autism becomes a way of life - a way of being - which most don't consider effects every aspect of what we do, say, think and feel.  

August said:

Just talking to you here has been a breath of fresh air.

That's a nice thing to say, a nice thing to hear & I feel that way also when someone joins who is on the same wavelength and has similar experiences to share.  

overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U ) said:

Have you ever had those conversations when someone asks, you start talking & then you hear them doing other things in the background?  As if they've put the phone down while they get on with something else?  

Yes, all the time. People are so rude, they ask, making out they are interested and then when you answer what they wanted to hear they are no longer interested. I’ve spoke to my gran on the phone and she asked what I’ve been up to so I start telling her literally everything with all the detail, as she asked, and then I hear things in the background.

In the past I’ve heard her

• Turn the TV on
• Ironing (I heard the hiss of the iron)
• Chatting in the background to my Grampy (So she obviously put the phone down somewhere and went off)
• Dusting

It’s so rude and the fact that people ask you things first is even worse because they are just feigning an interest. Asking like it’s their duty to ask. I think that’s horrible and I hope I will never end up like that with people.

I don’t much like talking on the phone but when I’ve asked how my relatives are I always am interested and when I ask what they have been doing I am genuinely interested and enjoy hearing what they have done lately. I never do anything else but listen, so I don’t miss anything and don’t hurt their feelings by not paying attention.

A lot of effort goes in to talking to people either in person or on the phone. People don't realise how much it takes it out of you...

overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U ) said:

I actually believe that Autistic people do conversations better than they do. 

I have no experience with other autistic people, except here on this site. I’m hoping to get a bit more outgoing and hopefully will encounter some autistic people. In my town there’s an autistic society and they host groups apparently so this is something I will look at doing at some point.

Just talking to you here has been a breath of fresh air. Talking to Nts is hard work and they don’t get me so I think I’ll just wait for when I meet others more like me.

I think by now people realise that they WILL get my life story or at least a long version of my day if they ask - so perhaps they don't ask quite as much.  Or they've got clever and say things like:

How has your day been?  or  What do you have planned for the weekend?

They know I'm going to over-explain.  

Have you ever had those conversations when someone asks, you start talking & then you hear them doing other things in the background?  As if they've put the phone down while they get on with something else?  

I mean I know some people SAY they can do 10 things at once but no way are they really listening to what I tell them when they are eating with the TV on or having a full conversation with someone else in the room with the dog barking at the same time.  I'm not stupid. 

But they ask, because they think they are being polite and that they are doing me a favour (!!)  They don't seem to realise that it's actually really frustrating to know you aren't being listened to properly when you're making an effort to talk...  or write or whatever.  It's rude. 

I actually believe that Autistic people do conversations better than they do.  Because they want to say what comes out of their mouths and want to hear the reactions to sustain the talking.  Their conversations aren't the same (they are built on things that aren't true).   The only problem is there are so few Autistic people compared to the rest, so we don't get the chances they do.  

I’m sorry you feel so isolated and lonely. I can relate to this, it’s pretty much how I have felt all of my life so far. I’ve tried making friends in the past but it didn’t work out. I’m awkward around people, always anxious and I think it shows and makes people feel I’m weird. Suddenly going off on one about things like birds or the interesting colours of leaves probably doesn’t help mind!

Sorry you were bullied. This is something I also experienced; secondary school was a lot more challenging from this point. I know it can lead to scars that run deep. I hope things are better for you now.

Have you thought of getting an autism therapist or support worker?

My GP has referred me for an autism therapist as she believes this will help me better understand myself and cope with the way autism affects me on a daily basis. I don’t know how long the wait times will be but I’m hoping this will be helpful for me. It doesn’t help that after diagnosis there’s no post support, just sort of leave you to it and find your own way lol.

I hope being here helps you.

That is how I should be with people in person and on the phone. Do you want a “Fine” or the truth of how I really feel right this second? My mum asks me sometimes and I tell her exactly and she says she only asked how I was and she didn’t want my life story lol.

I don’t use my phone much for conversations. I find them quickly overwhelming and feel drained by the end of them.

I know what you mean about ‘Commitments’ as well. It’s like if somebody says about meeting you at a certain time. “I’ll be there at lunch”, that to me means they will be there exactly at midday. I’ve had this with my sister before about meeting up at midday and I’ll go to the park, get there exactly for midday and then she turns up at 12:30.

When I tell her she said midday she always says it’s a rough estimate and to allow half an hour.

I find it frustrating and if she meant that then why didn’t she say it!?! I find people so complex. I don’t know why people find it so difficult being precise.

I always do what I say too. I take things literally and if somebody says they will do this by a certain time I believe that it will be done, and I find it really puzzling if they don’t do what they said and then say “Well it wasn’t set in stone.”

People are so perplexing.

Anonymous234 said:

Hopefully I can get the help I need

There's often not much structured help for Autistic people of 18+ unless they have some other mental health condition.  It is important that if you think you may be suffering with something else (i.e depression, anxiety etc) that you seek assistance with that though, and you can do that through your GP or by self-referring. 

There's something else your GP may also be able to help with, and that's social prescribing.  Essentially what it means is to match people with groups and activities that may be of interest in their local area.  Could be worth looking into, to see what's out there?

https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/

There may be support locally Autism-wise but potentially more likely to be volunteer/charity led.  You could take a look through local media / social media to see what you have around - some areas are catered for, other areas have nothing.  

I have very restricted interests: walking every day, spending time with family, spending time in my room everyday just watching YouTube. It feels so isolating and lonely too. It's not really fun. I don't have any other outlets apart from this forum really. I have tried for years to make friends with others, especially with young people my age. But they're not very understanding of my autism difficulties and assume I'm whatever they think. I've experienced bullying in my younger years and always stays with me.

Quite often, I have meltdowns where I lose control and struggle to contain my emotions. I'm looking into solutions, but I really feel stuck what to do about it. I genuinely can't help it and my family now understands why. Hopefully I can get the help I need, I don't have many close friends, just my parents, dog and brother. Or any other family to rely on, as they're very selfish and only care about themselves. I am hoping sharing my experiences with you gives you some comfort knowing that you're never alone.

August said:

“How are you?”, I never know how to answer this. Either with fine or good, apparently

I think it's normally 'fine' and then you're meant to ask them the same thing, and they reply that they are 'fine' too (even if they are about to die!)

Now what is the point of that?

So when someone calls me and asks, I do now ask them if they want the full truth or BS.  They ALWAYS say they want the truth (even if they don't) and so they get the truth.  ALL of the truth.

The silly thing is, they don't want the truth - but they realise that to say they don't really care how you are might sound a bit rude SO they are then forced to say they want all the details.

By the time I've given all the details (a good hour later) they are really regretting calling  but it isn't my fault, it is theirs for playing that silly game. 

August said:

Like if somebody says “See you later”, I quickly speak before my brain has processed it and say “When?” thinking they mean later the same day.

Absolutely.  If someone says 'See you later' or promises they'll call me later or actually makes a commitment I'm expecting it.   Likewise, I always do what I say & like the fact people can rely on me to do it.  I think that's a good thing.  

If they mean see you next month, why don't they actually say that - or see you next time, even? 


Now, I could have just said that I agree with you but I decided to write that little bit more 

I can relate to all of this. A lot of the time I feel like I’m invisible, either that or the world just ghosts me. NT Talk confuses me. Like “How are you?”, I never know how to answer this. Either with fine or good, apparently. But for me I feel I need to fly off in to exactly how I am. Usually a lot of words, with very little breath – burning lungs territory. I struggle to answer such questions with just a word or two, because it doesn’t answer truthfully how I am.

Like if somebody says “See you later”, I quickly speak before my brain has processed it and say “When?” thinking they mean later the same day.

I’m still learning NT Talk. I wish I had an NT dictionary, with explanations on what they literally mean and good suggestions for responses that won’t make me look weird or crazy.

I like to take walks in the country, I live right on the doorstop as it were and it can be really nice having that alone time but like you sometimes there’s so much I would like to say but I have that inner voice of anxiety that stops me because I talk Autism rather than NT and I’ll probably say too much or the wrong thing.

Autism = isolation = loneliness.

I'm just glad there are people out there like here who do 'Get It'. Suddenly today I don't feel so alone anymore, it's a nice feeling.

It is hard to communicate.  Most people seem to feel they have to be in a certain place - certain setting to speak. 

You can be looked on as weird if you suddenly feel an urge to speak to someone randomly when outside.  But then most people aren't Autistic and these people (the NTs) made the rules.  

They have their little phrases that they say to one another, little groups & gatherings - and it can feel like a closed-off community to us. 

Sometimes I write loads and there are times I'd like to go say loads too but society isn't really ready for that sort of thing.  You feel someone might be ringing for an ambulance as you'd be getting judged as unwell !  

I literally went out cycling this morning around the town where I live (which is by the sea).  I saw hardly anyone and spoke to nobody.  It can be a beautiful place & sometimes its lovely to be alone, but other times you see/feel/hear/think things that you want to share - and the word ticks on by and isn't listening.  

I do feel the problem with Autistic people is they DO know how to say so much and they ARE interesting, but sometimes they do forget to take turns and listen too.   And yes it is hard to put 'feelings' of any sort into words and this is probably not coming across with any sense either.  

Sometimes all you need is to know others 'get it!'