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18 Year Old Daughter Help

Adviseformy18yearold

I am wondering if anyone can help - I am unsure if going to the waiting lists at the GP are worth it and what additional help my daughter would get if diagnosed.

My daughter has always been the quiet one, I people watcher.  We have always had a routine of childminder / school, whilst i was at work and after school / work football/swimming/boxing.  If football got cancelled we would have tears/tantrums etc, which seemed a bit over the top at the time.

When we went into lockdown (which i think was particularly hard for a lot of people) she would sit on top of the shed on her own, couldn't concentrate when we would try and do the online lessons, unless I set up a PE session in the garden she wouldn't engage in much.

When we tried to go back to school we would have issues with her stomach, and needing a toilet pass, which i thought was a bit of anxiety due to being back around people.

She couldn't concentrate in her exams and needed to leave the room for the toilet, she started college resat her maths in a smaller group and luckily just passed.

She started a joinery apprenticeship, loved the hands on college side but struggled to interact with the people working there, I don't think she understood their humour and couldn't interact properly, she also thought some didn't like her.

She is now playing at a football college and again, struggling with interacting with the teachers and staff, also her football manager, there have been a few issues, she seems to react to the way her may look at her or his tone and takes everything as a personal attack.

She has been making funny noises, maybe a nervous tick, she can go from being completely quiet in front of people, to screaming and shouting noises and funny accents, when we get home she goes loud and excited, toy fighting, jumping out on me and running off, its like she's held in all this energy and just explodes! 

She is obsessive about clean bedding.... but not the tidiness of her room so it surely cant be a form of OCD?

I have tried so many different ways to approach it, telling her to try harder to concentrate and get her work done when she was at school, her stomach issues are not food related, its like her stomach reacts to how she is feeling that day.

I have come here for help and given you a snippet of my daughters behaviour, as a parent off my daughters football team came up to me on Sunday and asked if she has a form of Autism, does an of the above ring true to this?

I don't want to waste anyone's time but also, if I can get any help to settle her I would be forever grateful, its like she's a lot soul at the minute and she's 18, 19 in July.

Thanks

  • I’m sorry that you and your daughter are struggling at the moment. I think it’s not acknowledged enough how much the pandemic impacted people - especially people who were already experiencing difficulties beforehand. My son also found it very difficult to return to college after the lockdowns and in someways he’s still struggling in connection to all of that.

    Many of the traits you mention are things that could be associated with neurodivergence. Have you discussed the possibility of autism with your daughter? What does she feel would help her at this point? 

  • in reply to Adviseformy18yearold

    No problem - there is a lot of information to weigh up.

    This is another set of information which might help her preparation if she decides to have a conversation with her GP:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis/signs-that-a-child-or-adult-may-be-autistic

    (Hope that is helpful - as opposed to information overload).

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    Thanks for the reply, thanks for the link I will read though and I think its best if she contacts the GP, I just wasn't sure if any of her behaviour was what you would expect, I just just tried to put a few examples.

    I searched on google and this site came up, I asked on here because I saw other people posting on here.

    Thanks

  • in reply to Adviseformy18yearold

    With respect, I can understand 18 is a difficult age in terms of a person is then responsible for their own healthcare decisions, yet a parent will still retain the instinct to look out for them.  

    I'd not be advising you contact your GP if I didn't think (from your descriptors) that there were matters worthy of consideration.  

    It is likely that the GP may wish to give your daughter an AQ10 or AQ50 spectrum quotient test to better understand her, as part of their evaluation.  This is normal, and a pre-cursor to an eventual assessment. 

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

    I understand that, and thanks for the reply, it was more for guidance on if some of the behaviour I mentioned was in line with possibly being autistic, as it isn't something I am familiar with, before I approached it.

    I googled it after it was mentioned to me, and this site came up, I will speak to my daughter and email the GP surgery if she wants to, thank you very much, after it was mentioned its played on my mind, if there is anything I can do to help her in her day to day life.

    Thanks

  • I am not being judgemental, but I am a bit concerned: that your post doesn't seem to mention what your daughter thinks / feels about her situation. 

    I also cannot tell if you have broached with her this ultra-sensitive subject - whether or not to discuss with her GP the possibility of exploring eligibility for a Neurodivergent assessment (we are not qualified to assume Autism).

    If you and your daughter have engaged in that difficult initial conversation (better still: if she has expressed her qualms to you first) then you might find this guidance thought-provoking / helpful:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/before-diagnosis/deciding-whether-to-seek-an-autism-assessment

    Whatever your daughter were to decide would best suit her personal situation (would she wish to discuss the topic at all with her GP?); irrespective of her decision (now, or in the future): I would like to think of her finding ways to help herself to learn more about what she enjoys and then pursuing those things which she also finds more relaxing would be something she might learn to prioritise.

    Ultimately, I fear this is rather too public a space to explore things in greater detail at this stage - that is absolutely not to discourage you from participating here - quite the opposite - as you are welcome. 

    However, it would be easier to be more supportive of you both - if your daughter had already participated in a conversation with her GP (if, and when, she might choose to do so) and we were able to try and help beyond that stage - respectful of what she decides might be the helpful outcome to support her lifestyle and ambitions.

    Best wishes.

  • We are not permitted to make a medical diagnosis on this site, whatever we may think, or whatever evidence you provide.  

    That said, it is clear that you are concerned, and the best way to deal with this is via an assessment.  It does sound as if there are grounds to take the step to approach your GP, should your daughter wish to do so. 

    You ask if the waiting lists are worth it, and that depends on what you feel (or what your daughter would feel, at 18) is to be gained from a potential diagnosis.  

    I don't want to put words in her mouth, but it should be her decision - not mine to tell you why I think it would be advantageous.  

    If you proceed, it is certainly true that the NHS wait is likely to be long, but if you are in England you are entitled to use the Right to Choose scheme as an alternative.  You can speak to your GP about this too.  

    I do wish you (both) well going forward.