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11 year old daughter

Astar678

My daughter has just been diagnosed with autism even though we were pretty sure for many years.

we are struggling to get her to school as she has this contant worry over her hair. She has had it in plats for years and years and years and asks my wife to redo it over and over again. This escalates into my daughter having huge meltdowns and my wife gets so stressed as a result as we also have my little boy to get to school.

we just do not know what to do. We have tried everything.

does anyone have any suggestions?

Parents

  • It sounds like you have created a ritual. A repetitive action which contains a source of connexion and deep meaning. The only way to successfully break from this is through some kind of "passing the baton" ceremony, which you'll need to prepare her for and have an event-full day with. 

    "you'll be 12 soon, old enough to where you can braid your own hair. I need to begin teaching you some different ways of doing this". I might begin to help her start practice different knots while she is having her hair braided. And/Or knitting. Something involving similar actions to move the symbolic routine into. First, set a date for the hair braiding to become instructional. Next, If she has a few friends, arrange a sleepover, hire your hair stylist and have everyone enjoy braiding each others hair in different ways. If you have a little money, and she doesn't mind a small adventure, you could finalise the "ceremony" by a weekend in Sweden and find a stylist who can explore different braids. 

    You could also let her know that it's not the end, but that it will change to just 2 days a week. The action is more than just 'doing hair' and in cultures throughout history, it is a tactile way of women connecting and caring for each other. 

Reply

  • It sounds like you have created a ritual. A repetitive action which contains a source of connexion and deep meaning. The only way to successfully break from this is through some kind of "passing the baton" ceremony, which you'll need to prepare her for and have an event-full day with. 

    "you'll be 12 soon, old enough to where you can braid your own hair. I need to begin teaching you some different ways of doing this". I might begin to help her start practice different knots while she is having her hair braided. And/Or knitting. Something involving similar actions to move the symbolic routine into. First, set a date for the hair braiding to become instructional. Next, If she has a few friends, arrange a sleepover, hire your hair stylist and have everyone enjoy braiding each others hair in different ways. If you have a little money, and she doesn't mind a small adventure, you could finalise the "ceremony" by a weekend in Sweden and find a stylist who can explore different braids. 

    You could also let her know that it's not the end, but that it will change to just 2 days a week. The action is more than just 'doing hair' and in cultures throughout history, it is a tactile way of women connecting and caring for each other. 

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