Hi everyone,
I'm new here. I was diagnosed with autism on my 40th birthday last October. Since my diagnosis, I've felt nothing but rage and anguish looking back on my past and how I was mentally and physically abused by my narcissistic parents, my military stepfather being the main culprit. I've had nothing to do with them since 2001 after I was kicked out onto the streets aged 17.
I live alone and am a musician in a heavy rock/metal band. I am the guitarist and singer and my friend who I have known for 20 years is the drummer. We are still trying to get 4-5 songs created to start gigging. It's my only outlet but even that's become a chore as I feel paralysed with anhedonia, depression and horrible chronic fatigue on a daily basis and the drummer is hard to work with.
I was trying not to make this post a 'woe is me' post, but I am at my wits end and in extreme anguish.
I have a constant low mood, am trapped in my thoughts of despair and the drummer in my band is an NT who I clash with alot despite him being my friend.
The urge to 'not be here' anymore is so strong. I'm trying my best think clearly and failing.
