Im 53 was married to him but divorced after I had a breakdown.
Short version been with him since 1998 he masked everything for first 8yrs only when son born things started to change. My son was diagnosed adhd, add, asd, odd age 10 after a huge fight for him. His dad got assessed and diagnosed too.
When we separated I was in bliss, felt free, feminine and happy. His parents started emotionally blackmail me constant calls and visits "to discuss things " his dad asd too. Pressure was too much to take him back i couldn't cope with the constant questions, after I explained everything to them too when we separated, nope not a reason. Apparently "failiue isn't an option, and I signed up to it" it wouldn't stop so I broke and took him back.
The worst decision. I'm utterly alone, he and my son don't speak at all, go upstairs every night I'm left alone. I have no friends, no social life, no holidays, no escape. I live in a silent world I'm now so conditioned I have given up. I no longer care about anything I get up to clean then go to bed. I'm ignored, not told anything. I don't work due to health problems and I'm never helped or support. He sits on ipad and phone, has started drinking over past 8mth a bottle of wine every day out of the bottle too. I'm left alone. I'm going into myself to cope. I talk to myself, stare at the floor. There is no joy in my existence. I have nothing, I go nowhere I have no reason to be here anymore. I clean clean clean just to keep my brain active.
He is secretive, snidey, petty, selfish beyond words, rude, ill mannered. He gaslights me, has narcissist traits and behaviour. I put up with ut all the abuse mental , emotional. He is controlling and vile. I do not create as my son is here too. I will not make the situation worse for his sake.
I have nowhere to go, I'm scared of his dad and terrified to make another break. I will break I'm not strong enough anymore. I don't know where to turn. I have no accommodation or friends I can turn too. My family think he's marvellous and such a lovely bloke. I tried telling them too but was made to feel like I was the bad guy. I give up. I'm lost, broken, alone and beyond depressed. I hate my existence. I deserve better , I do everything even down to unblocked toilet with hands because they block it constantly. I don't nag ,berate, he takes no responsibility for his behaviour, blames everything on me. I'm not longer a woman, person, individual I'm a robot. I have no money, no savings i don't drive I have nothing to show for my life. I have chronic health issues but im expected to carry the weight of every responsibility without complaint. Iear to feel slightly better as I don't drink or smoke . I just sit rotting away daily, pretending all is well and knowing I'm a failure worthless useless and pointless.
