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Loneliness & emotions

Marmaladepink

So as an autistic person I love time alone being absorbed in special interests and reading and just being quiet sometimes as work can be pretty full on and tiring and I often feel I am externally quiet yet internally my brain is wired.

Other times I feel quite lonely and distant from my family and I'm not sure if it's something I am doing or if it's just the way an autistic person can feel. I find it hard to explain this because the feelings I have can be very intense. I sometimes think I'm not really sure what the rules are with relationships because I feel like I try really hard to get things right yet end up feeling like I've upset someone. 

I seem to think about everything very deeply & worry that my way of being is difficult for people to be around even though I try really hard to fit in and be what is needed. I worry that I come across as disinterested or not caring yet the opposite is true as I love my family very much.

Parents

  • I think many of us feel this, I certainly do. A sort of constant push-and-pull with your needs. I've started referring to this myself as the peaks and troughs of my life. At best I can feel perfectly comfortable with my life and how I choose to experience it in some solitude. That doesn't last forever though, so then my mood will dip, I'll start to feel lonely and question what I'm doing wrong and does anyone actually want to be around me. And eventually back it goes again to thinking actually my life is fine as it is. It's a paradox of wanting to be alone because it is safe, yet wishing I had some contact with people - if only they would come to me so I didn't have to do the hard work (because it does actually feel like work, an effort).

    I am fortunate though in that I do have family and a couple of friends who I could rely on. So when those changes to my mood do happen again, I have to make myself remember it isn't permanent.

  • in reply to pdaddio83
    pdaddio83 said:
    It's a paradox of wanting to be alone because it is safe, yet wishing I had some contact with people

    Same here mate. The troughs can be so hard to come through.

  • in reply to Mr T

    Appreciate your honesty

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