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Hello from late diagnosed - high functioning but struggling

AuADHDwoman

Hi all, 

I was late diagnosed (age 40) ADHD 15 months ago and have just received an Autism diagnosis. I think I knew it already. 

Sadly, I got my Autism diagnosis while a MH inpatient. The past 7 months, due to a lot of life pressures at once, I've experienced meltdowns as never before, which have escalated into self harm and breaking things. I suspect my hormones have also started to change. 

I feel like I'll never get back into my normal life again. 

I've gone from being a uni lecturer and having my own business to currently being signed off work and starting to claim benefits. It makes me wonder if there's a route out. 

It feels scary knowing that overwhelm can tip me over into behaviours that a year ago would have felt completely alien to me.

I'm trying to learn about tools that help me calm and to pace myself more. It's tricky though, as I have a whole adult life set up that I need to be with. 

Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? 

Thanks so much  

  • Hi   :-)

    I strongly suspect others have been in the kind of situation that you describe.

    By implication your question is perhaps about what happened to them and is there a roadmap or advice for what to expect or do under such circumstances.  

    I am not a psychologist however I think I know what it is like to experience "existential crisis" and getting diagnoses that include references to masking and apparent lack of self insight seems to have coincided with that experience for me.

    Lovely as it would be to have a clear roadmap and definition of self for getting on, it seems to me that this can be like trying to hold sand in one's fist.

    As regards returning to normal life, personally I reflect that it was my normal life that led me to the problems experienced.  So whilst it may seem to be sensible to want to return to it perhaps it might not be wise.  Tantamount to accidentally walking of a cliff edge and when, by one means or another returned back up, walking off in the same direction again out of habit and lack of depth perception.

    So perhaps acquiring skills to acknowledge and integrate into a new normality is another perspective upon this and changing "trying to" to "succeeding in" working with tools that help calm and pace is the other side of the same coin.  Identify small wins would be my suggestion  - how do you eat an elephant?  :-)

    Then there's the whole "every autistic person is different" thing to deal with in finding the way for you.

    It absolutely rocks my brain to think that there are more than 8 billion people on this planet and each of them is different!

    Reminds me of the Monty Python Life of Brian quote:

    "BRIAN: Look. You've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals!

    FOLLOWERS: Yes, we're all individuals!

    BRIAN: You're all different!

    FOLLOWERS: Yes, we are all different!

    DENNIS: I'm not."

    Personally I find it a struggle to be nice to myself when "thinking about how I think about thinking for myself"   :-)  lots of social conditioning there... worth working on I reckon.  Takes a while to trust one's own thinking in this matter and a heck of a long time to develop expertise in being one's natural self.  Takes a while to build back confidence - maybe check out "Kruger Dunning effect" for another angle on this.

    I recently came across this link posted by another on this site and for me (quite along time after diagnosis) it is beginning to make sense to me - might be useful for you too.

    Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan - Neurodivergent Insights

    Best wishes

  • in reply to Tears_before_bedtime

    Thank you for sharing your experiences. Wishing  you well for your recovery

  • I think my situation  is similar...

    I was doing a demanding and stressful job. Probably best described as "middle management" level, but with a definite technical specialisation as well as managing people. 

    I had an occupational/autistic burnout scenario building for over a year. It was getting unsustainable, and spiralling downwards fast.

    My brain stepped in by driving me into a manic episode in September. I avoided hospital by seeing the Crisis/Home Treatment team. They also recommended an autism assessment.

    Got that done privately so am now diagnosed autistic as well as bipolar and burnout. 

    I'm still signed off work after 6 months. I have irritating cognitive impairments like losing words, stumbling in my speech, seriously enhanced sensory issues, lack of concentration, poor verbal processing and memory etc. Much worse than anything I've had before (except during psychosis I suppose).  Unsure whether it's mostly burnout, mania or autism related, but it feels like I'm recovering from a brain injury. 

    I think things are improving, but mostly they get better when I have no complex tasks or stressful situations to deal with. Then I have to deal with doctors, insurance, HR meetings etc and it all gets worse again. 

    I'm optimistic that I'll get to the other side of this. I may not be the same as I was before, but I'll find a way. In the interim I'm trying to focus on here and now rather than what the future may end up to be. 

    Good luck with your recovery. 

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thanks so much, Bunny, I'll take a look at the links 

  • in reply to AuADHDwoman

    The NAS has a range of advice here about potential benefit entitlements and making claims:

    NAS - Financial help, money and benefits

    Citizens Advice should be able to support you with making any claims. 

    There are also a couple of other organisations whose information and advice I've personally found to be very helpful indeed:

    Benefits and Work (paid subscription required to access full resources)

    Turn2us

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I'm sorry to hear of your recent struggles.

    You might find this resource helpful, including its links to several accounts by other autistic people of dealing with burnout:

    NAS - Autistic fatigue - a guide for autistic adults

    These resources also offers strategies that might help:

    NAS - Meltdowns

    NAS - Self-injurious behaviour

    In terms of specific tools, you might find Brain in Hand helpful:

    Brain in Hand

    It's not cheap if paid for privately, but - depending on where you're based - it might be possible to gain free access to it via your local authority. A list of current licensees is available here.

    Your GP or mental health team might also be able to offer suggestions and/or support.

    I wish you all the best x

  • Has anyone else found navigating the DWP difficult? I find that I'm getting very scared of messing up - disproportionate response to it all