Newly diagnosed 47yo man

Welcome aboard!

I had mine at 49, it's been a year since.

Similar thoughts hit me at the time, things people said didn't make sense, surely this made a difference, but a year later it's a lot clearer.

My wife has spent decades with me and the only difference to her was finding out "why" I am, rather than what I am. So to her things didn't change. The things she loves and the things she doesn't are all still there, I'm still "me".

Unmasking is a weird concept, everyone masks, it's just for autistic people it's a crucial life saving need,  rather than just a way to make social gains. You'll find some of that mask is just who you are after being alive adapting to the world we live in. Other bits you've added to keep you safe. You'll find you still need a lot of those. you'll find that most people won't really react to your news or change how they are around you. At first that's annoying, but eventually you'll find it's not as negative as it seems. Some people will avoid talking about or drawing attention to it, that's actually quite often their way to be kind to you and avoid you feeling pushed out or different , rather than them being invalidating or dismissive. Everyone has a different way of caring and helping others.

Take your time, learn about yourself and what you need, take time making changes and telling people,  you can't undo those things, so be sure it's what you want.

You now know more about yourself, use that to your benefit and give others a little time and patience to understand it too.

Take care and keep us posted, there's a lot of people on here from all walks of life and ages, so it's a great community that's very supportive. However crazy your situation may feel, someone on here will have been there too and be able to help. 

 Another Autistician Waynelee10 Thank you for this. I have been on a similar journey and I'm sure I'm not alone. Personally, I don't feel that "masking" is the right word for what I have done all these years. To me it is more like "trying to conform". It is exhausting especially as we get older. I have found quiet time on my own helps me "recharge". I have also found Autistic Adult Zoom Groups such as Autistic Elders really helpful as a way to be myself and have time when I don't have to work so hard at appearing "normal". Concentrating on how my autism has been and us my strength also helos.

Really tricky for those around us. Another Autistician You are right. We have not changed. We just understand why we are how we are. It took me a couple of years to get to this point though.

I agree it's definitely more like forcing ourselves to conform.

I often see myself making choices based on what I think I "should" choose. I'm trying to adjust that way of thinking to be more about what I really want.

I had a realisation recently that when I've been successful "fitting in" I've thought that was good, but I was fitting into things I wouldn't enjoy being part of, so what was the point?!?

The episode of the IT crowd whee they end up at a football match is a fitting metaphor. 

Bottom line is being confident and more self assured. So easy to say but putting it into practice is hard and sometimes terrifying, I've programmed myself to "fit in" for so many years.

I agree it's definitely more like forcing ourselves to conform.

I often see myself making choices based on what I think I "should" choose. I'm trying to adjust that way of thinking to be more about what I really want.

I had a realisation recently that when I've been successful "fitting in" I've thought that was good, but I was fitting into things I wouldn't enjoy being part of, so what was the point?!?

The episode of the IT crowd whee they end up at a football match is a fitting metaphor. 

Bottom line is being confident and more self assured. So easy to say but putting it into practice is hard and sometimes terrifying, I've programmed myself to "fit in" for so many years.