Seeking guidance

Is there anyone else who has a strong connection with him who you think could try to persuade him to consider it (eg even take one of the free online tests to see if it indicates he may be neurodivergent)?

The reluctance to find out if he is autistic may be rooted in deep held misconceptions that it makes him defective or less of a person etc - there unfortunately are many people like this. It is incredibly hard to separate it from him as it has such a pervasive impact on his life and behaviour.

As such it can be really difficult to make that breakthough and it can end up damaging the relationship if it is pushed as it brings issues of trust and perceived bullying.

My approach, if I were in your shoes, would be to look at his issues and work out as best you can if they are related to autism, then look on here to see how people have developed coping strategies for them. Perhaps make some suggestions to your husband around these but don't mention they are related to autism.

This may help him reduce the stress and discomfort if these are indeed autistic in origin.

It may help to tell him explicitly how you feel about the explosive behaviour and if you fear for your safety etc. Try to keep this as calm but descriptive as you can and it may bring him to consider that he needs some treatment for it.

One approach would be to find a therapist who offers a specialisation on that issue but who is also knowledgable in autism - there is a good chance they will make that connection as part of the therapy.

It may also help to go to therapy yourself so he does not feel singled out. Couples therapy is also a good gateway to getting him to hear it from a professional.

All this is just around getting him to consider finding out if here is autistic - the route to a diagnosis takes years on the NHS or probably £1,000+ when private so it can be a hard sell to get him to do this.

Just a few thoughts from me - good luck with whatever you choose.

Is there anyone else who has a strong connection with him who you think could try to persuade him to consider it (eg even take one of the free online tests to see if it indicates he may be neurodivergent)?

The reluctance to find out if he is autistic may be rooted in deep held misconceptions that it makes him defective or less of a person etc - there unfortunately are many people like this. It is incredibly hard to separate it from him as it has such a pervasive impact on his life and behaviour.

As such it can be really difficult to make that breakthough and it can end up damaging the relationship if it is pushed as it brings issues of trust and perceived bullying.

My approach, if I were in your shoes, would be to look at his issues and work out as best you can if they are related to autism, then look on here to see how people have developed coping strategies for them. Perhaps make some suggestions to your husband around these but don't mention they are related to autism.

This may help him reduce the stress and discomfort if these are indeed autistic in origin.

It may help to tell him explicitly how you feel about the explosive behaviour and if you fear for your safety etc. Try to keep this as calm but descriptive as you can and it may bring him to consider that he needs some treatment for it.

One approach would be to find a therapist who offers a specialisation on that issue but who is also knowledgable in autism - there is a good chance they will make that connection as part of the therapy.

It may also help to go to therapy yourself so he does not feel singled out. Couples therapy is also a good gateway to getting him to hear it from a professional.

All this is just around getting him to consider finding out if here is autistic - the route to a diagnosis takes years on the NHS or probably £1,000+ when private so it can be a hard sell to get him to do this.

Just a few thoughts from me - good luck with whatever you choose.

Thank you for all your thoughts- I think the subtle approach is best and good idea about the reading and implementing suggestion, for him to seek therapy or assessment is not an option and he's doesn't really have anyone else close. But thanks for your time and thoughts.