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Help looking for some advice - school avoidance

Jamborie

Hi,

I have a teenage daughter who was diagnosed with autism earlier this year. Her main difficulty is attending school. Although she says she wants to go to school, when it comes to it she just becomes so anxious that she can't do it. It happens most days, with the response being 'go away mum,' pulling the covers over her head and staying in bed. I find it really difficult to know what is part of her autism and what is 'typical teenage behaviour'?? 

I have read the information on demand avoidance but I've got to say that reducing demands on someone to attend school is extremely difficult. It suggests indirect communication but can anyone give me an example of this when trying to get a child into school?

Does anyone have any advice about what has worked for them/their children?

Thank you    

Parents

  • Part of it is trying to find out what aspect of school is causing the high anxiety and then you can come up with a plan specifically.

    For PDA language regarding going to school it depends on the child. If it starts with getting out of bed you can try giving a choice for breakfast and not even mention getting up so "would you like toast or cereal". If she chooses then you likely don't need to tell her to get out of bed. If choices are difficult for her then you can try "your uniform is on the end of the bed, I'll be downstairs sorting breakfast". Leads her to the things she needs to do once out of bed but without telling her to do anything.

    You can then continue this through the stages of going to school "are you putting your coat on now or in the car" or "your coat is on the end of the stairs, I'll be waiting in the car". Obviously you would change these to however your routine works.

    If her autism needs are greater and less like PDA, you may want to go down the route of morning schedule (for a teenager it doesn't have to be a big deal with pictures etc if she'd hate that, just a list that works for her).

    I don't know what adjustments she has in place at school but it may be that it's overwhelming to walk through the yard full of people first and could do with going straight into school. Or she'd benefit from doing the same thing every time she gets to school so the day is a little more predictable. Could be a certain staff member it'd help her to go to each morning. There's many small things that can lead up to these massive feelings.

    Good luck. Hope it improves for you both.

Reply

  • Part of it is trying to find out what aspect of school is causing the high anxiety and then you can come up with a plan specifically.

    For PDA language regarding going to school it depends on the child. If it starts with getting out of bed you can try giving a choice for breakfast and not even mention getting up so "would you like toast or cereal". If she chooses then you likely don't need to tell her to get out of bed. If choices are difficult for her then you can try "your uniform is on the end of the bed, I'll be downstairs sorting breakfast". Leads her to the things she needs to do once out of bed but without telling her to do anything.

    You can then continue this through the stages of going to school "are you putting your coat on now or in the car" or "your coat is on the end of the stairs, I'll be waiting in the car". Obviously you would change these to however your routine works.

    If her autism needs are greater and less like PDA, you may want to go down the route of morning schedule (for a teenager it doesn't have to be a big deal with pictures etc if she'd hate that, just a list that works for her).

    I don't know what adjustments she has in place at school but it may be that it's overwhelming to walk through the yard full of people first and could do with going straight into school. Or she'd benefit from doing the same thing every time she gets to school so the day is a little more predictable. Could be a certain staff member it'd help her to go to each morning. There's many small things that can lead up to these massive feelings.

    Good luck. Hope it improves for you both.

Children
  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    Thank you for your advice I am going to try your suggestions of not mentioning getting up or going to school but to use other language instead. It definitely does start with getting up…or not getting up more to the point…and I am willing to try anything. I will have to be more mindful of the language I use though I do find this difficult as seem to easily say the ‘wrong thing’ which then completely backfires on me. 

    She goes to mainstream school and they are not able to provide a one to one person to meet her at a time she has suggested and she doesn’t want to change schools so we are in stalemate at the minute. The person at school can however meet her before school starts when not as many people around, but she doesn’t want this.

    It feels like my daughter is literally stuck on what she thinks is the answer but the school cannot provide this, and she will not compromise. I get really frustrated at times too as we have tried so many different things to help her but it just isn’t working. 

    I really appreciate your help and advice. I’m going to start tomorrow morning and see how it goes.  Thank you

  • in reply to Expecto_Patronum

    I've just seen a reply you made to another person. If she doesn't know what is causing the anxiety it could help to break down the day and rate it on an anxiety scale. So looking at everything from the journey to school, arriving, going to form, going to lesson 1, moving between lessons, break, lunch etc. It could be 1-10 or if she struggles with number scales (I do) it could just be not at all anxious to very anxious. This way she might be able to pin point parts of the day that are causing the anxiety.