Hey

Hi! I think I understand this paradox of feeling lonely but also lacking the energy to socialise.
Good to have you here! 

No joke ;l-)

Thank you both, how do you both deal with it?

Ah, okay. I mean, that’s a good start. I’m still quite spoiled when it comes to chores, because I’m only 18 and still live with my parents until I get my Abitur (German degree) in summer (and probably a bit longer… housing is expensive…). So I’m probably not really qualified to answer. But there are occasions when I have to do many “outside chores” and although my answer to the question “do I want to do that” would definitely be no, I still have to do them. Again, trying to accommodate myself is a mighty tool. Less visible earplugs, sunglasses, comfortable clothing. All things that help, but weren’t easy for me to include in my day since I always felt like, I didn’t “deserve” to use them, since I’m did not go through an assessment yet. 

For the worries while being out… It’s difficult for me to fully understand your feelings, since I don’t have kids. But whenever I feel like I want to go home to my dog because he’s alone or anything, it helps me if I know exactly what I did to prepare the house for him. I have an exact routine for setting up the house before I leave (close some doors, go on a little walk with him shortly before leaving, filling up the water etc.) so I don’t have to worry as much. But I recognise that children are a completely different deal. Would it help you if you got updates from your mother via text message or call? Just to reassure you.

I think it’s not social anxiety I struggle with, I do get abit anxious when I’ve been out too long away from my dog, I definitely have some anxiety/panic over things that might or might not ever happen and would I know what to do to keep my kids safe, I’ve booked us a holiday abroad and I’m so scared about it, I do have a lot of trauma and I think that gets in the way when it comes to trusting new people, I’ve had therapy since 16 tho quite a few different types so I know a few coping strategies, I’m also in sobriety so I have no interest in drinking or a night time social life, and the friends I’ve got that I can comfortably spend time with I’ve had them since school one of which when I was 7 and she was and still is my first best friend, I do get abit irritated with constant messaging and struggle to keep conversations going and if my kids need me il often open a message and for to reply, I always analyse everything in my head so I feel like I always have a plan but there’s things like going shopping in the city I’d struggle with how busy it gets, leaving my kids with my mum (because that’s the only person I’d trust with them) and doing anything without worrying and making an excuse so I can get home quicker, I don’t actually think I know what I’d want to do outside of the house, sorry for the long reply, I used to get that feeling that I’m missing out but I don’t no more, I’m not even bored about being asked and not being able to go, I feel like going out drains me.

Honestly I don’t yet. But I’m working on being a bit more patient with myself. I always try to find an answer to the question: Is this something I really want to do (e.g. going to a party or just to any social event) or do I just feel like I should want to do that? If the answer is that I want to go there but am just anxious about it, I will go while still trying to accommodate myself by bringing earplugs and dressing in a sensory friendly way while still feeling properly dressed for the occasion. 

If the answer is that I actually don’t really want to go out, I’ll try to accept that. It’s fine if you don’t want to go out regularly. If it’s about the anxiety of wearing yourself out, then you should find ways to get yourself going, but if you just feel obligated to want something you’re actually not interested in, you do not have to do anything. I’ll instead do something else, like doing something interest-related, so I don’t get my thoughts racing and telling me I’m missing out on something.

That’s not a perfect system, but the better I get at it, the more energy I’m able to put into the few friendships I actually want to maintain. 

Honestly I don’t yet. But I’m working on being a bit more patient with myself. I always try to find an answer to the question: Is this something I really want to do (e.g. going to a party or just to any social event) or do I just feel like I should want to do that? If the answer is that I want to go there but am just anxious about it, I will go while still trying to accommodate myself by bringing earplugs and dressing in a sensory friendly way while still feeling properly dressed for the occasion. 

If the answer is that I actually don’t really want to go out, I’ll try to accept that. It’s fine if you don’t want to go out regularly. If it’s about the anxiety of wearing yourself out, then you should find ways to get yourself going, but if you just feel obligated to want something you’re actually not interested in, you do not have to do anything. I’ll instead do something else, like doing something interest-related, so I don’t get my thoughts racing and telling me I’m missing out on something.

That’s not a perfect system, but the better I get at it, the more energy I’m able to put into the few friendships I actually want to maintain. 

Ah, okay. I mean, that’s a good start. I’m still quite spoiled when it comes to chores, because I’m only 18 and still live with my parents until I get my Abitur (German degree) in summer (and probably a bit longer… housing is expensive…). So I’m probably not really qualified to answer. But there are occasions when I have to do many “outside chores” and although my answer to the question “do I want to do that” would definitely be no, I still have to do them. Again, trying to accommodate myself is a mighty tool. Less visible earplugs, sunglasses, comfortable clothing. All things that help, but weren’t easy for me to include in my day since I always felt like, I didn’t “deserve” to use them, since I’m did not go through an assessment yet. 

For the worries while being out… It’s difficult for me to fully understand your feelings, since I don’t have kids. But whenever I feel like I want to go home to my dog because he’s alone or anything, it helps me if I know exactly what I did to prepare the house for him. I have an exact routine for setting up the house before I leave (close some doors, go on a little walk with him shortly before leaving, filling up the water etc.) so I don’t have to worry as much. But I recognise that children are a completely different deal. Would it help you if you got updates from your mother via text message or call? Just to reassure you.

I think it’s not social anxiety I struggle with, I do get abit anxious when I’ve been out too long away from my dog, I definitely have some anxiety/panic over things that might or might not ever happen and would I know what to do to keep my kids safe, I’ve booked us a holiday abroad and I’m so scared about it, I do have a lot of trauma and I think that gets in the way when it comes to trusting new people, I’ve had therapy since 16 tho quite a few different types so I know a few coping strategies, I’m also in sobriety so I have no interest in drinking or a night time social life, and the friends I’ve got that I can comfortably spend time with I’ve had them since school one of which when I was 7 and she was and still is my first best friend, I do get abit irritated with constant messaging and struggle to keep conversations going and if my kids need me il often open a message and for to reply, I always analyse everything in my head so I feel like I always have a plan but there’s things like going shopping in the city I’d struggle with how busy it gets, leaving my kids with my mum (because that’s the only person I’d trust with them) and doing anything without worrying and making an excuse so I can get home quicker, I don’t actually think I know what I’d want to do outside of the house, sorry for the long reply, I used to get that feeling that I’m missing out but I don’t no more, I’m not even bored about being asked and not being able to go, I feel like going out drains me.