Recent received late diagnosis

Welcome to the community. I’m on my way to maybe receive my late diagnosis, as for now being self identified, I mourned my childhood and youth which was beautiful from the inside (my inner world) but violent outside. Do you mean you can’t find yourself anymore? Is it because of masking and struggling? I wish you find support and connections here. 

Which things about yourself are you mourning? Can some be celebrated? I think many of us find getting older a challenge? Is that what you mean? I often feel alone, I often am. It can be depressing…last stage of grief is acceptance? 

I was diagnosed at 18, so certainly not as late as you, but I honestly never felt like I lost my former self. There never was a 'former self'. I was a broken shell of a person, living for others and only removing the mask when I had a meltdown or when I was fed up with people's bullshit. It feels like there is only the me I'm now, though it's evolving. At least now, I am content with living, and I have found something that helps me build an identity that's solely based on me. 

There are quite a few Latelings (thanks Mr. T) here. I'm the same age as you and found out this year too.

I hope that you at least find a form of company here.

I can't really mourn something that was never there, but I get you. After you have got over the shock, I hope that you realise that you are still the same but now are armed with more information to help you get through life.

Welcome to the 'Latelings' club.

male mid fifties diagnosed last year.

I get what you say, it seems normal to go through this stage on the road to acceptance. Be kind to yourself. It is not your fault, you are not broken but different.

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Female, 64 - discovered my true self in my mid fifties.

I didn't mourn the loss of my former self, as I realised I was still the same person I've always been. I did mourn the lost chance to live my life in a way that would have suited me better, in my younger years.

I didn’t mourn the loss of my former self, I mourned the life I might have had if I had known earlier and if I had received the help, support and understanding that I needed.

I didn't think of it as a loss, I'm the same person I was before, I just have a little more context. I can understand why you would feel that way, it could be considered that something has been  taken away but it hasn't. I took it as an opportunity to explore what it all meant.

Good luck and welcome.

Congratulations on your autism diagnosis and welcome to the community!

During the period following a diagnosis it can be common for us - especially as late-diagnosed adults - to experience emotional dysregulation. This can include working through a phase where we experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more. So please don't worry, this is both normal and, in my opinion, healthy and a natural part of the journey. 

The NAS has a great set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months - you might find them of interest and/or helpful:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis

In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie so soon after your diagnosis) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion complete with ready-made solutions for my various ASD-related difficulties.

Therapy is often recommended after a diagnosis. You might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book. It features discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, myself included:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Not at all! I must admit that I felt the opposite - relief at what made it all make sense. But I've seen several people on here process it in exactly the way you're feeling, and I hope that turns around for you. 

Curmudgeon said:

Is it common to mourn the loss of what I recognize as my former self?

It seems to be, but it will not help your present or future situation.

There is a wealth of information now relevant to your situation - all sorts of books about autism, YouTube channels, Discord servers and of course this forum (the best single source of advice in my opinion) so my advice would be to see the diagnosis as a prize - you now know what has been causing your issues and can finally make an educated approach to reducing their impacts and improving your quality of life.

Mourning your old self is about as much use as trying to solve a complex maths equation by chewing gum - you burn lots of energy but get no further towards the solution.

There are 2 books I think are likely to help:

Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome - Wylie, Philip_ Beardon, Luke_ Heath, Sara  (2014)
ISBN 9781849054331

Understanding Autism For Dummies - Stephen Shore, Linda G. Rastelli, Temple Grandin (2006)
ISBN 0764525476

Good luck on your journey and remember to look forward way more than you look back.