An Introduction

Hi,

I am 43, male.

In 2011, a GP told me I had anxiety.

In 2016, I was diagnosed with depression.

In late 2017, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 2

I was given medication for all these but all they did was make me sleepy.

Last year, my GP, after a lengthy discussion took me off the Bipolar medication. That night, my wife said 'well, I have always told you you do not have Bipolar. What you are is autistic and you have ADHD.'

How I scoffed!

Then, about 10 months ago, I began to take the idea of autism seriously.

In my working life, I work with people who are autistic and/or have ADHD everyday, so I went on the NHS website and the NICE website and began to apply what I was reading to me.

There it is in front of me, now, from NICE:

'persistent difficulties in social interaction' and 'resistance to change' and 'restricted interests'.

Plus:

'problems in obtaining or sustaining employment or education' and 'previous or current contact with mental health or learning disability services'.

In those words, right there, is me.

I do not have a diagnosis. I tried and was referred but they decided there was no point in it. However, a few weeks ago I received an email saying my referral was still being processed. I will follow this up as a diagnosis, actually, really matters to me and will help with work.

I am lucky, in that after 21 years in a professional role, going from job to job, letting people down, letting family down, letting myself down (or so it seemed), I actually work now for a whole bunch of neurodiverse people, working on behalf of neurodiverse people.

Since I began applying what I know of autism to my life, it is like the scared, anxious, little boy I once was (still very much am), is finally being liberated.

I will mask no longer (though removing that mask has not always been and is not, easy).

My whole essence is anxiety and managing anxiety. It always has been.

So, I came on here today to introduce myself, to read others' stories in the coming months and maybe also, someone recognise something of themselves in me and know they are not alone.

Thankyou.