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An Introduction

aegelsthrep

Hi,

I am 43, male.

In 2011, a GP told me I had anxiety.

In 2016, I was diagnosed with depression.

In late 2017, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 2

I was given medication for all these but all they did was make me sleepy.

Last year, my GP, after a lengthy discussion took me off the Bipolar medication. That night, my wife said 'well, I have always told you you do not have Bipolar. What you are is autistic and you have ADHD.'

How I scoffed!

Then, about 10 months ago, I began to take the idea of autism seriously.

In my working life, I work with people who are autistic and/or have ADHD everyday, so I went on the NHS website and the NICE website and began to apply what I was reading to me.

There it is in front of me, now, from NICE:

'persistent difficulties in social interaction' and 'resistance to change' and 'restricted interests'.

Plus:

'problems in obtaining or sustaining employment or education' and 'previous or current contact with mental health or learning disability services'.

In those words, right there, is me.

I do not have a diagnosis. I tried and was referred but they decided there was no point in it. However, a few weeks ago I received an email saying my referral was still being processed. I will follow this up as a diagnosis, actually, really matters to me and will help with work.

I am lucky, in that after 21 years in a professional role, going from job to job, letting people down, letting family down, letting myself down (or so it seemed), I actually work now for a whole bunch of neurodiverse people, working on behalf of neurodiverse people.

Since I began applying what I know of autism to my life, it is like the scared, anxious, little boy I once was (still very much am), is finally being liberated.

I will mask no longer (though removing that mask has not always been and is not, easy).

My whole essence is anxiety and managing anxiety. It always has been.

So, I came on here today to introduce myself, to read others' stories in the coming months and maybe also, someone recognise something of themselves in me and know they are not alone.

Thankyou.

Parents

  • Hello, and welcome to the forum.

    I'm female, in my mid sixties. I had no idea I might be on the spectrum until around 8 years ago, when I saw a documentary that featured an autistic woman and thought "I'm like her!"

     I never thought I had difficulties in social interaction, I just thought I'd been unlucky in having family & friends who didn't really understand me. In one way I was correct, but what I didn't realise was that I also didn't really understand them and how their minds worked - it's known as the double empathy problem. Also I think that having been with a partner who I also believe is autistic for all my adult life has meant that because he connects with me, I thought that if others didn't it must be them, not me.

    I never thought I was resistant to change, I actually often enjoy a change if it's either implemented by me (so I'm in control) or I can see the benefit and know when it's going to happen (so I can prepare). But at work I never liked having to change tasks quickly, "hot desking", or going off site - which is really about resistance to change in my working environment.

    I have always found the "restricted interests" thing difficult to understand - my interests aren't restricted , I have had loads of different interests over my lifetime and usually have 2 or 3 on the go at any one time. I think it's more about the intensity of interest - for example, I had an interest in dogs when I was young and I learned every dog breed - and I can still remember them all now. 

    Problems in sustaining employment or education and a history of anxiety and sometimes depression is definitely me, however I thought that could happen to anyone. I suppose it can, but it's probably just chance for the neurotypical population while being standard for autistic people. A few months back I remember a friend of mine saying she enjoyed school, which was a bit of a shock to me as I couldn't imagine anyone enjoying it.

    Anyway, that's enough rambling from me - ask us anything you want to know, and hope you enjoy chatting with us.

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thankyou. I recognise myself in much of your reply. I have compared myself to others for a very long time but now I have some understanding of why we are different. As for school, interestingly, I always would say I enjoyed school but I am coming to realise that is not true but that is for another time, thankyou.

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  • in reply to Lotus

    Thankyou. I recognise myself in much of your reply. I have compared myself to others for a very long time but now I have some understanding of why we are different. As for school, interestingly, I always would say I enjoyed school but I am coming to realise that is not true but that is for another time, thankyou.

Children
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