Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I'm hoping I will be able to connect to other ladies who are in a similar position to me.
Life at home is strained and for me sometimes very lonely.
My husband hasn't received his formal diagnosis but there are strong indications that he is autistic.
We are both struggling to communicate without arguments and upsets.
I really need some help but don't know where to turn.
Thank you in advance.
Lynne
Hi Lynne and welcome to the community.
You might find this book helpful. It specifically focuses on helping autistic + neurotypical couples to work on their relationships through improved mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:
Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner
(It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now simply diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder).
Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the gender pronouns around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can be confusing, and I kept needing to check and remind myself "which partner is autistic this time?" But the benefits from the book were well worth the effort, I feel.
The NAS also has some related advice here:
Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people
You might also like to consider couples counselling with a neurodivergent-experienced counsellor.