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andybc3

My wife and myself would like to say hello to everyone, we have a 12 year old son who has just been diagnosed with aspergers,we thought he was quirky and a bit anti-social ,we tried to involve him in things and encourage him to join in ,sometimes getting angry regrettably.We are now trying to get to grips with a new way of looking at life through his eyes and trying not to feel guilty for not catching it earlier. It's so nice to know you are all out there to talk to and we are not alone ,Thanks

Parents

  • You could get some social stories for him, and explain to him that there are more polite ways to refuse social invitations.  What you think of is rude though, is likely just him being straightforward.  It's a shame more people in this world are not honest and straightforward instead of having to hide behind fake niceties and his reactions could also be a stress reaction.  That he has friends is good, they clearly accept his ways and are not offended.  Although, it could be as Longman suggests that they are not true friends and are seeing him as entertainment fodder and are therefore very keen to get him out to have fun at his expense.  Perhaps he has even realised this himself and this is why he refuses invitations.  12 year olds are perfectly able to come across as sweetness and light in front of adults when there are more sinister things going on away from adult eyes.

    You need to understand he is vulnerable, easy to manipulate and cannot be allowed the same freedoms as other parents allow their 12 year olds (which is too much in my view anyway).  Look up "mate crime" and you will see what can befall him.  That's not to say over-protect him so he cannot ever learn anything, but help him learn, with social stories and ensuring he is always in a safe place not off with gangs of peers up to no good.

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  • You could get some social stories for him, and explain to him that there are more polite ways to refuse social invitations.  What you think of is rude though, is likely just him being straightforward.  It's a shame more people in this world are not honest and straightforward instead of having to hide behind fake niceties and his reactions could also be a stress reaction.  That he has friends is good, they clearly accept his ways and are not offended.  Although, it could be as Longman suggests that they are not true friends and are seeing him as entertainment fodder and are therefore very keen to get him out to have fun at his expense.  Perhaps he has even realised this himself and this is why he refuses invitations.  12 year olds are perfectly able to come across as sweetness and light in front of adults when there are more sinister things going on away from adult eyes.

    You need to understand he is vulnerable, easy to manipulate and cannot be allowed the same freedoms as other parents allow their 12 year olds (which is too much in my view anyway).  Look up "mate crime" and you will see what can befall him.  That's not to say over-protect him so he cannot ever learn anything, but help him learn, with social stories and ensuring he is always in a safe place not off with gangs of peers up to no good.

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