Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, My Grandson Charlie was diagnosed with ASD a couple of weeks before his 4th Birthday, he is 6 in a fortnight. He has always been a loving affectionate child with me until about 4 months ago when overnight he changed. Charlie now behaves as though he hates me or is scared of me, he is either very aggressive toward me or gets extremely distressed around me. As he visits his Daddy who lives with us every weekend, this is an issue, so much so that a couple of weeks ago I had to move out while he was here. Charlie is the apple of my eye, and this is breaking my heart, has anyone else had a similar experience?
Children with ASC do go through different phobias. Perhaps he has learned about human mortality at school and is putting a barrier between you to avoid getting hurt. Or maybe someone said their grandparent got sick so he thinks it will happen to every grandparent. Or maybe it's just something really small that would seem illogical to anyone else but has been the seed for a fear or dislike that he associates with you. Perhaps he saw a "baddie" in a programme that reminded him of you or something. Perhaps his mum could write a social story with photos of you on stick men doing kind and loving things.
I feel so sorry for you in your situation as you would long to bundle him up and give him a hug.
The only thing I can suggest is to find a way to let him come to you. He almost certainly has things or rituals that he loves. If there was a favorite book that you used to read him, leave it out but don't ask him he you can read it, see if the memories of the book will release some of the fears he has built up. Again if he has enjoyed baking biscuits (or some other activity you have done together) then arrange for this memory to be jogged so he remembers situations when you were close. I relise this may be painful to you.
If he has built a defensive wall then you need to find a way to encourage him to dismantle it himself with your care. Trying to dismantle it yourself may only strengthen the defenses.
I remember a cousin go through a stage like that at about 5 or 6 which seemed to be triggered by a fear that he had just realised was inside. A few months later he started to learn to control the fear as he could see what it had cost him.
I hope things improve soon. Dunk