Hi

Hi, I joined like a month ago but haven't really engaged yet with this platform.

I'm 22 and I've had high-functioning autism all my life. Wasn't diagnosed until a month ago.

My autism made school and university miserable. Whilst I did make friends, I was bullied because of how I was.

And I am upset because I feel really behind in life.

I'm 22 and I feel behind in life. I do not have a job, a car, a driver's licence, or a girlfriend. And I still live with my parents. I've never gone dating or had a girlfriend because I lack the courage and I feel that I should sort my life out first before even attempting dating.

I got excellent grades at school, went to Imperial College London, got a 2:1 Physics MSci degree, got good volunteer experience and work experience, and I cannot get a job. I have been applying for graduate schemes/jobs/roles in business/finance/renewable energy/operations/project management/public sector   since September 2022 (start of my final year), sent in 190 applications roughly, since then, got real close to a couple of offers. Gradually I have been getting a bit better at job applications/interviews. I didn't start asking for adjustments until a few months ago, and even so, things haven't got much better. A lot of my applications are thrown out after the online assessment stage, and feedback is usually not given (due to high volume of applications). I hate not having a graduate job yet. Seeing other people my age on LinkedIn showing off their new job roles whilst I am stuck in the dirt makes me really upset.

Since graduating last year I have been doing part-time volunteering, applying for jobs, and learning some more life skills like how to cook more stuff. I help my parents with the house work a lot more than I used to. Since January I have been taking weekly driving lessons. I passed my driving theory test last week, first attempt, and it made me feel a bit better about myself. But then I remembered I don't have a job. I keep applying for jobs. Writing CVs and cover letters is not a problem. Getting passed some online assessments and interviews is the problem. Asking for adjustments hasn't really helped me that much in most applications. I've gotten to final round interviews and been rejected for some stupid reasons like not being a good culture fit.

I live in outer London. Plenty of jobs in London, right? Wrong. I have tried recruitment agencies but they are all pretty much useless. I can't do service jobs because I hate people. I am not going back to uni to do another degree or to do a post-graduate degree. What would be best for me would be to get a full-time job. I acknowledge that I might have to get a temp job first. The volunteering is okay, but it is remote, and twice a week, and each session is 30 mins. It is not paid and I cannot do it forever. My parents say I should get a job that gets me out of the house, and I agree. I am looking for in-person work. Because I have anxiety and a bunch of food intolerances, no driving licence, no car, I cannot move somewhere else to find work. I may move somewhere else years down the line, but I would like to work for a few years in London first before even considering relocating. Where I live is commutable and safe.

My university careers service has been very helpful over the years, with applications, and I have been able to get some great networking opportunities, volunteering, work experience, and online courses because of their help. The careers service helps graduates up to three years after graduation. I feel like I have exhausted all of them for their advice about graduate job searching. Unfortunately companies do not realise that I am a decent candidate, with excellent school grades, an excellent degree, and excellent work experience. They discount me because I cannot do some stupid online assessment, or because during the interview I don't seem like a good culture fit. I worry that I will never get a job. And even if I do get a job, there is the risk of being laid off, and having to apply for loads of jobs again. I worry that I'll never be able to retire and will probably have to work until I die. Everyone hates their jobs anyway. The country, and the world, seem to get worse every single day. I had every aspiration beaten out of me by school, university, and by the job hunt. It seems that it's too competitive. Too many people. Too many problems.

I don't think this way all the time. I try to keep my head up, get out of bed each day, go outside for some fresh air, apply for jobs, do the part-time remote volunteering, and do my hobbies.

My hobbies include reading, walking, cycling, cooking, board games (including scrabble), card games, and LEGO. I get some exercise every day. I walk and cycle in my local area, and do my stretches/other exercises at home, because I find gyms to be loud, crowded, expensive, and for some reason people think it's okay to film others with their phones. These things are really off-putting to me. (As a side note, I recognise the fact that everyone has different needs, and that many people don't have the space at their home to exercise.)

My parents told me to join this community and engage with it because they want me to spend more time with other people. I am trying to spend less time on my computer, and set screen time limits. I deleted most social media during 2020, and I keep off of bad online forums/divisive content that can radicalise people. I am also trying to stop myself scrolling through the LinkedIn feed.

If you are reading this and planning to say something like "get help" or "get therapy/counselling", please don't, I have gotten help plenty of times in these avenues. Sometimes it has helped, other times it has not. Generally speaking, I am in a much better place than I used to be, and I look after my health. But according to my parents I don't spend enough time with other people. It was difficult to make "friends for life" at uni because of covid and also because I was a commuter student (1hr 10 mins).

I have a small friend group, and we are scattered across different parts of the country, so we don't meet up that often. I try to speak to at least one friend each day over text or WhatsApp.

Honestly I don't know whether posting this up will really be the start of making things better, or making new friends. I might go use meetup.com or something to find an activity group. I am just really trying every day and it feels like my hard work has stopped paying off. At school and at university, my hard work did pay off. But now when looking for a job it hasn't. Even when I get a job I worry I will be bullied because of my autism and my stature (I am an average height man who is quite slim, with thick glasses because bad-eyesight runs in the family, and I look younger than I am). And I find it hard to trust people due to being bullied.

Please help. I need a job and I need to spend more time with other people. I don't know what else to say here. I don't know if anyone will read this or respond to this. I would like to try to build the courage to engage with this online community.

Update 21st April 2024:  thank you very much for the kind responses. I have signed up to a different recruiting agency and put my name down for part-time/temp work as well as full-time work. I have also applied for mentoring support for finding employment, and will do some interview practice with the university careers service (when I get to the interview stage).