Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm going to try this out, I don't normally post online - hello! My daughter was diagnosed as autistic last year, so naturally I wanted to research all I could to learn how to support her. The problem I found though was that the more I read/learned about it, the more I started to relate to everything myself - spotting traits and things I have or currently do, experiences in my life that could be explained by autism, and so on. I've now felt very confused about who I think I am for months.
I'm in my 40's and spent a lot of my recent years using therapy to improve my mental health, trying to be positive minded and push through certain things I need to feel happy but find really uncomfortable (basically socialising). I just thought I was introverted, shy and socially anxious and settled on that, but these new ideas have me questioning my whole identity - was it always something else? And if it was, have I been wasting my life so far trying to be "normal" like everyone else only to discover that it was never going to happen?
I could get a more formal diagnosis I suppose, but it is time consuming and potentially expensive. I'm also a little apprehensive of the outcome - I could get an answer I don't want to hear, yet I also don't like the idea of never knowing (paradoxical, I know). Has anyone ever just decided that they are autistic and settled for that? I'd be interested to know.
Thank you everyone, this is helping me. I'm thinking at the moment that I just need time to accept what could be - I've found that it may take me a while to make a decision, but once I have that it is settled in my mind and that's that. I also liked what @justbe said - whatever happens, we're still who we originally are.